Anatomy of a Relationship
by Literature Rogue
Summary: Just when Meredith Grey managed to fit the pieces of her life into a perfect puzzle, her dark and twisty side decides to shift into gear and cause some trouble for her, particularly in the area of relationships. [Sequel to Anatomy of a Divorce].
1. Chapter 1: New Day

Derek had left. After figuring out that Meredith was completely serious about not loving him anymore, and after he was completely sure that Addison was not going to take him back, Derek left. He was supposedly in New York now, picking up the shattered pieces of whatever life he had left. And quite frankly, Seattle Grace Hospital ran a lot smoother without him around. People weren't as tense, relationships weren't being committed in secret, and Addison and Meredith could have civilized conversation without the awkward silences that always seemed to pop up. Life was good.

Life was _too_ good for Meredith Grey. In all of her years of experience, when life got this good, when you had a steady relationship with a guy you really liked, when you had great friends, when you had a great job, when there was always chocolate cake in the kitchen when you got home from work, something bad was about to happen. Something bad had to happen, or else life would just keep getting better and better. And apparently God didn't want that. Apparently you had to have let downs so you can really enjoy the high points of your life. Or whatever.

It had been a month since Derek had left, four solid weeks of serene calmness. Well, the surgical floor was as calm as it could be during a dry spell anyway. The board was quiet, which led all of the Attendings and Residents to chatter incessantly about how any surgery that they performed was going to fail. It was sort of strange to have such a slow board. Normally, the surgical floor was one of the only specialties in the hospital that never had a dry spell. People did stupid things, like fall off of roofs, and then they needed stitched up. It was the stupidity of man. As long as there was man, there would always be a job for surgeons. There would always be a surgery to perform.

Apparently man had gotten smarter since last month. At least today was slower then most. Just yesterday there had been a three car pileup. Most of the hospital staff had been there into the wee hours of the night. The interns had been in the middle of a forty-eight hour shift. They, for one, were happy that for once there were no surgeries to fight over, no patients to prep, and no family members to console. The Attendings and Residents were another story entirely.

"That's a quiet board," Burke would murmur.

"You know what a quiet board means." The Chief eyed his surgeons with a wary glance. "Death."

Mark stood between the two with his arms folded behind his head. He examined the board as casually as if he were looking up his horoscope. "Come on. That's just a myth." Webber and Burked exchanged glances.

"He'll have the first fatality," the Chief murmured jabbing his thumb in Sloan's direction. "He doubts the system."

"Yeah?" Mark gave a cocky sort of grin. "Care to put your multimillion dollar salary where your mouth is?" Webber's brow wrinkled slightly. "We'll see if the I'm the first to have a patient die." He tapped the surgery schedule with his knuckles. "I've got two surgeries before your first one's done. Pretty good odds I'd say."

There was a moment's pause in which Burke nudged the Chief lightly. Webber rubbed his temples slightly at Mark's extended hand. With a heavy sigh he shook on it, a smirk sliding onto his face. "We'll see, Sloan..."

"You want in too, Burke?"

"Well," he paused to adjust the scrub cap on his head before leaning forward and shaking on the bet. "Yeah, I'm in."

Addison sped passed the men without a second glance, apparently heading for a delivering mother. She doubled back, however, staring at the board with an eyebrow arched. "Quiet board," she mumbled stopping at the nurses' station and pulling a carton full of coca from beneath it. Mark gave a knowing sort of grin as she made to pass again, handing them each a cup of the liquid. "Good luck, Mark." Addison headed back down the hallway, pausing to cast a glance over her shoulder. "Try not to kill anyone, okay?"

Mark gave her a mock salute as he took a long drawl from his cup. "I just got jujued." The other two stared from him to the cups of cocoa and back again. "It's good luck, man. I'm not losing this bet." Burke and Webber shared disbelieving looks. The Chief opened his mouth to respond just as Bailey materialized from out of a post-op patient's room.

"Where are the suck-ups?" She looked irritated. Bailey got irritated when she got no sleep. Irritation rates were also high when she couldn't find her interns.

"Excuse me?" Mark was halfway through a sip of 'juju' and nearly spit it out. "_Your_ suck-ups? I believe one of them belongs to me. Unless you'd like to throw in the blonde as extra. I wouldn't object to that." Bailey ignored Sloan's cheesy grin. She, apparently, was one of the only women in the entirety of Seattle Grace who was immune to it.

"What exactly are we talking about?" Webber mumbled after drinking some of his own cocoa. "Suck-ups?" Bailey rolled her eyes lightly, catching Burke's glance.

"Oh, she means her interns. Her ass-kissing, surgery hungry, competitive suck-ups." Doctor Burke gave a low chuckle. "Because last time they disappeared like this a heart was stolen. We wouldn't want that to happen again, would we?"

The Chief paused for a brief moment, as if debating whether or not Bailey had the right to call her interns such things. In the end he must have found she did have that right, because he simply sipped his juju and walked away. Burke muttered something about a patient he needed to check up on, which left Mark with Doctor Bailey. Correction, he was alone with Doctor Bailey. He held his hands up in a surrender gesture. "Don't look at me! If I knew where Meredith was she wouldn't be wherever she is right now if you catch my drift."

Bailey gave a disgusted sort of growl as she shuffled away. Mark smiled to himself. "Today's a good day."

The ass-kissing, surgery hungry, competitive suck-ups happened to be locked up in Really Old Guy's room for the day, relaxing and generally avoiding work of any kind. Cristina was practicing stitching on an old stuffed bear, Alex was exchanging baseball cards with a bemused George, Izzie had her nose buried in a book. This book happened to be about pregnancy, which she wasn't actually reading. In fact, the entire point of this book being in the room, and the point of Izzie reading it, was to annoy Meredith. Everything was to annoy Meredith.

Meredith, however, was completely content sprawled out on the floor of the room, apparently counting ceiling tiles. "Remind me again your symptoms." She tilted her head slightly to the side as she gave Izzie her pouty frown.

"I'm not pregnant," Meredith insisted, rolling her eyes lightly as she pushed herself to a seated position. Cristina and Izzie were making eye contact, most likely plotting against her.

"You said you're having abdominal pain," George muttered behind a hand of cards. Meredith gave him a sort of 'no cake for you' look, which he returned with a "But maybe you just swallowed a shard of glass. You never know."

"Well it's not appendicitis," Alex muttered, folding his cards onto the windowsill and smiling faintly. "We already endured _that_ procedure. Maybe you just swallowed something. Does Sloan have a piercing down there? He could probably do it himself so..." Meredith chucked the chocolate chip cookie she'd stolen from Izzie's batch at his head. He caught it.

"Stop it, Alex," Cristina muttered as she tossed him the repaired teddy bear. He caught it. "We all know you have the undying desire to see Mark Sloan's penis, but please, spare us the details."

"FYI it's not pierced." Meredith had that happy after-sex grin on her face again. Izzie closed her book and whipped it at Alex's head. He missed, which shut him up and sent George into a laughing fit. "I want Oreos. With peanut butter."

"Weird food cravings!" Izzie declared, pointing at Meredith. "Everyone knows food cravings are a sign of pregnancy."

"Oreos and peanut butter is not a weird food craving," Meredith insisted, blowing a bit of hair out of her face and continuing her counting of tiles.

"Come on, Mer, that's a weird food craving," Izzie pestered looking to the others for support.

"Yeah, normal people don't mix a perfectly good cookie with peanut butter," George agreed, now hovering over a sitting Alex and staring at his forehead. "You broke skin! Here, I'll stitch it up." Alex shoved him away, blotting at the small cut with his hand.

"Sit down, O'Malley. It's just a bruise."

"It's gonna scar if you don't-" Alex cut him off.

"I like scars."

"Back to Meredith," Cristina murmured now hovering near the doorway and peering out. Every fifteen minutes someone would scan for Bailey. If she was anywhere near by they'd all need to find work. Or at least look like they were working. Or else they'd end up doing rectals all day. "She not exactly normal. Besides, it's not like she's having the urge to eat strawberries dipped in ranch dressing or something."

"You mean like you did when you were pregnant?" Cristina shot George 'the look'. He quieted instantly, averting his gaze to the floor.

"Dude," Alex smirked, "Yang even looks at you funny and you hide behind me."

"I wasn't hiding. Anyway- back to Meredith." Meredith groaned loudly, pushing herself to her feet. She couldn't concentrate on counting her ceiling tiles anymore anyway.

"Why is the topic of choice always me?" The four shared glances. From Izzie's amused to George's awkward, and Alex's sly smirk Meredith could deduce one thing.

"Ever since Shepherd left, all the drama has stopped. You're the most exciting thing in the entire hospital. Plus, being pregnant is a big deal..."

"I am NOT pregnant."

"Congratulations, Doctor Grey." Meredith's eyes widened slightly. The others were shooting her 'run like hell' looks. She swerved around to find herself face to face with Doctor Bailey. She took hasty steps back before sliding between George and Izzie, trying to avoid the deadly snarl growing on their Resident's face. "So, what exactly are we doing in a vegetable's room? O'Malley." A collective silent groan was shared among the interns; it was known fact that George was a terribly liar, especially under pressure.

"Well, we, uh, that is Doctor Bailey sir- MA'AM!" He shuffled his feet nervously, apparently unable to string together a comprehensible sentence without telling the truth. "I-we-you..." Bailey palmed her forehead before pointing wordlessly to Meredith. Her heart sank, brain working overtime to figure out some sort of viable excuse.

"We were running charts just like you said to, but George couldn't find Really O-" Alex shot her a glance. "-the patient's chart. So Izzie came to help, and Alex was walking by when he walked into the corner of the wall and cut his head open and we were telling him he needed stitched up but-" Bailey held up a hand. Meredith stopped.

"Next time you're gonna lie to me, make sure your story's actually believable." She stared from one intern to the next before pointing at George. "Doctor Montgomery. Go." O'Malley shuffled off quickly, almost like a dog with its tail between its legs. Bailey gestured to Cristina. "Chief's got a Whipple. Go." Next to Izzie. "Charts." She opened her mouth to argue and Bailey arched a brow slightly. Izzie backed off, snatching her cookies from a nearby chair and exiting the room. "Karev, go get that stitched up. If you really are dumb enough to walk into a wall, you better be smart enough to know that'll scar. Go."

Bailey turned away just as Alex slunk out of the room. Meredith tilted her head slightly to the side, fearing the worst. Knowing Bailey hated liars, which she did so very much, she was going to be stuck doing rectals all day. It was funny, Meredith thought, that she'd get worse for lying then with sleeping with an Attending. "Doctor Bailey?" She managed, voice already sounding defeated. Her Resident turned around, a frown upon her lips.

"I thought you of all people would know where you belonged." Meredith's forehead wrinkled. "_Your_ Attending requested you again." She had to hide the smile daring to burst out at her lips. Mark had saved her again. "Go."

GA

"I've already had one successful surgery today," the plastic surgeon declared to his team. "I intend to have another one." Mark gave Meredith a knowing glance. Though everyone knew Mark wanted to have a successful surgery, they were the only two who knew that there was another reason besides having a happy liposuction patient. Mark wanted to win his bet. "Alright. Let's go."

Though she was standing extremely close to Mark and hovering right over the surgery taking place, Meredith wasn't paying much attention to it. Though she'd never seen a liposuction before, and in her month of Derek-free bliss she'd seen a lot of plastic surgeries, she just wasn't into it. This time, she wasn't completely distracted by Mark's ass, but with her churning stomach. She felt sick, like she'd probably throw up, and watching a woman's fat literally being sucked up a tube was not helping her situation much. "What's a matter, Grey? Don't have the stomach for it?" Meredith shot him a glare. "Sorry. PMSing must suck."

Meredith gave a forced grin from behind her mask. Though why she did so when Mark clearly could not see it was beyond her. It probably had something to do with smiling at nearly everything he said, not because it was at all funny or amusing, but because his voice made her warm inside. It made her feel happy.

When the tube began filling with blood, and when Mark began shouting a stream of curses and to stop suction immediately, Meredith lost it. Mark didn't yell, at least not around her, and it wasn't helping the sudden light-headed feeling she was getting. The sight of blood mixed with fat was not a pleasant one, and when you felt like you were going to vomit it wasn't a pretty picture. Jamming a button on her pager, an alarm, Meredith felt relief wash over her for only a second when she was allowed to slip out of the OR unnoticed because she was 'paged'. After that brief moment she simply felt like she was going to hurl again.

She made her way to the nearest bathroom at a nearly running pace, hand clamped over her mouth. She passed the desk Izzie was seated at, not daring to attempt to answer her "Surgery over already? Sloan lost her, didn't he?" for fear that something other then words would come out. Meredith burst into the bathroom ten seconds later, ignoring Cristina perched on the sink and charging into an empty stall.

"Morning sickness sucks, doesn't it?" was Cristina's easy reply to the sound of Meredith's heaves. Izzie appeared in the door a moment later, head tilted slightly to the side in question. "Meredith's having her first bout with morning sickness. Isn't the miracle of life amazing?"

Izzie gave a wry sort of smile. "Told you, Mer. You're definitely pregnant."

When Meredith shuffled out of the stall looking considerably paler then before, she managed a choked "Not pregnant. Just sickened by liposuction."

"If the sight of blood makes you sick, I'd consider switching to another career." She ignored Cristina's sarcasm as she tied her hair up again and washed her hands, rinsing her mouth out and staring at herself in the mirror. Even Meredith would admit she looked terribly. Her eyes had deep circles under them, she was deadly pale, and her hair had pieces of chocolate chip cookie in it. Wonderful.

"Why aren't you in surgery?" She finally sputtered, turning to Cristina.

She sighed heavily, flinging a tampon wrapper to the ground. "The Chief lost her." Meredith couldn't help but smirk lightly. Mark had won his bet.

"Mood swings," Izzie chimed in, leaning against the counter. "A second ago you were all in denial, which coincidentally is a sign of pregnancy, and now you're all happy. What gives?"

"I can be happy," Meredith muttered. Cristina and Izzie shared a glance. "I'm happy a lot now."

"Believe me, Mer, we've noticed. But you're also happy then sad then irritated then happy again a lot lately, too." Cristina rolled her eyes lightly and leaned forward. "We all know you and McSteamy are getting hot sex, but that annoying after-sex grin and giggle thing you do? Really annoying."

"So is the after-sex after-grin-and-giggle bitch fit," Izzie pointed out. "Not exactly the most flattering thing."

"I'm not having moods wings," Meredith muttered, white knuckles clutching the sink. She was not pregnant. She wasn't. She'd know if she was pregnant, right? "And I am not pregnant." She pulled a sandwich out of her pocket and took a bite. Her companions were slightly surprised when said sandwich crunched loudly.

"Uh, Mer? What's on that sandwich?"

She looked at Izzie, swallowing and shrugging lightly. "Potato chips, chocolate chips, and whipped cream." Cristina gave a groan. Izzie laughed. "What?"

"That's definitely a weird food craving," Cristina muttered. "I had the same one." Meredith dropped the remains of her sandwich into the trash and ran a hand over her face in irritation.

"What do I have to do to prove to you guys that I'm not pregnant?"

Izzie fished an item from her lab coat and dangled it in front of Meredith. "Take a pregnancy test. It's the only way we'll really believe you." Cristina nodded her consent before snatching the package from Izzie's hands and examining it. Her eyes narrowed as she read over the box, making sure it was a viable brand before tossing the thing to Meredith.

She blinked, staring down at the test in her hand. "Remember if it turns blue, baby for you!" Meredith really didn't need to hear Cristina's scary, singsong voice right now. A series of memories were flying through her brain in quick succession, almost like a film strip. There were many sex dates she'd had since Derek left -she held her breath- and two incidents _before_ Derek left. Her heartbeat had gotten caught in her chest. She _really_ wanted peanut butter and Oreos right now. Could she be pregnant?

"Fine," Meredith finally conceded, fiddling with the pregnancy test as she entered one of the unoccupied stalls. The sound of Izzie's laughter rang in her ears as she locked the door.

Five minutes later she was still sitting in there. "Meredith?" They'd been calling for three minutes now. She'd checked. It'd been four minutes since...

Oh, God.

It was blue.

* * *

**Doc's Note: Hey guys. Yep, a sequel is in the air. I've been trying to get this uploaded since yesterday, but fanfiction was being weird and not letting me upload any documents. Anyway, 'Anatomy of a Relationship'. You're probably wondering what I'm talking about. Be patient and you might find something interesting in later chapters...**

**DISCLAIMER: Doc does not own Grey's Anatomy. If Doc owned Grey's Anatomy there would be now 'fall finale' type break. Seriously.**


	2. Chapter 2: High School Never Ends

**Doc's Note: Here's the next installment. The title of this chapter refers to how the hospital staff notes that their job environment is a lot like high school. The song's by Bowling for Soup. Updates are probably going to come once a day, unless I'm inspired by something.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I do, however, own the Poptart I'm eating right now. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing.**

* * *

"What happened, Mere, you fall in?" Despite the fact that she could hear Cristina hovering just outside her locked stall Meredith heard her voice as if from very far away. "You okay?" She managed nothing more then a series of incoherent muttering. Meredith could vaguely hear conversation between Izzie and Cristina, but just barely. And their words were making no sense. This entire situation was making no sense. And she felt like she was going to puke again. Rocking back and forth on a toilet was not exactly a good coping mechanism when you had morning sickness. Sliding herself down the wall of the stall Meredith eased into a seated position on the floor, arms locked around her knees.

"Okay, Meredith, that floor is probably filthy. Come on, we know you're not pregnant." Izzie must have been very close. In fact, she sounded like she was above her. Tilting her head back, Meredith found the source of Izzie's voice. She was leaning over the wall of the neighboring stall, probably standing on a toilet. Meredith simply took a deep, calming breath, which did nothing more then make her bury her face in her arms. "Okay. What's wrong with you?"

Wordlessly Meredith kicked at something, sending it sliding on the floor out into the main bathroom. She heard Izzie hop down from her perch, heard Cristina's slow intake of breath, heard a series of swearing when Cristina found the thing first. There, sitting in the middle of the women's bathroom, was the pregnancy test, the positive pregnancy test. "Oh. My. God."

The scuffling of shoes indicated Izzie's arrival at the test. "What?" A sort of squeal hinted that Izzie had indeed seen the results. "Seriously?"

Cristina bent down to retrieve the package. Mind you, besides this action, all Meredith could see was the movement of her friends' shoes and hear their voices. "99.9 accurate." Meredith groaned. There goes the theory that the test was just wrong. "Here, give me that." Another pregnancy test skidded to a stop at Meredith's feet. She blinked.

"Hey, you never know. You could be .1!"

Twenty minutes and two more pregnancy tests later, she was convinced that she definitely was not .1. "Are you sure you don't just have a growth in your stomach?" Izzie asked for what seemed like the hundredth time. Meredith had moved on from the denial stage and pushed the door of her stall open a little harder then she would've liked. Her eyes were narrowed and her nostrils seemed to flare slightly.

"I do not have a growth, Izzie. I'm pregnant!" Meredith began pacing. "How did this happen?" Izzie hung back, leaning against the sinks. She supposed Cristina might have a better chance at this then she did. After all, Cristina could be a bitch when she wanted to. She could totally out-bitch pregnant Meredith. Cristina turned away from the mirror and tilted her head slightly to one side. She cast Meredith a wary glance as she turned on her heel and began pacing in the opposite direction. She was practically speed walking across the bathroom.

"Well generally to make a baby you need a man and a woman..." This simple statement caught Meredith's attention and she about faced to glare at her. Cristina looked momentarily taken aback, simply because of the glare-and-frown combination Meredith was wearing. Sweet, adorable, dirty mistress Meredith did not glare-and-frown, especially not at her best friend. "Look, I know you're freaking out right now but don't take it out on me. Or Izzie. We're only trying to help you, if you'll _let us_ anyway." Cristina matched Meredith's glare with her own. Nobody, not even a pissed off Meredith, could out-glare Cristina Yang.

"Sorry," Meredith sputtered feebly, resting her weight back against the wall and slowly banging her head back against it. At the risk of having Izzie giving a triumphant 'I told you so!' she simply rubbed her temples and mumbled, "Mood swings." Izzie didn't comment. No one even moved. Cristina muttered a 'yeah' and she could've sworn she'd seen Izzie nod. Why? She didn't know. Maybe she'd imagined it. After all, her head was throbbing painfully, though if that was from pregnancy or from banging her head into the wall was debatable.

"You realize this makes two of us." Meredith cast Izzie a glance. Cristina was talking, but she wasn't making sense. Or maybe she just wasn't listening. No, there was definitely a bemused look on Izzie's face too. "I mean two of us sleeping with Attendings and two of us got pregnant. Maybe this is God's way of telling us this is wrong."

There was a long pause in which Meredith stared at herself in the mirror. She looked paler then usual, and the frown she was wearing seemed permanent. Was it her, or did these scrubs make her look fat? She caught sight of Izzie's reflection in the mirror and paused, brow furrowing slightly. Izzie seemed very interested in her shoelaces. And she hadn't said anything in a while, either. That was so not Izzie. Meredith wondered what she was thinking, and debated asking her if she was okay. When she opened her mouth to speak, though, she found herself cut off by Izzie. "Or that you two should really learn to use condoms."

"Seriously, Izzie?" Cristina muttered. "Condoms break. Especially when you're having really good sex. Hot sex. In the on-call room." She was wearing a satisfied sort of smirk and was eyeing Meredith with a wry smile.

"Don't look at me," Meredith answered dully. "We're too sophisticated for that kind of thing anymore."

"So are you going to tell Mark about it now or-" Meredith's gaze flicked to Izzie. She didn't even finish her sentence but trailed off into nothingness at the look of pure shock on her face. "Did I say something wrong?" Cristina shrugged in response. Meredith seemed to have just realized something, and judging by the slightly shocked expression on her face that thing wasn't exactly good.

"How far along am I?" The two shared glances.

"Generally that's something we, the doctors," Cristina gestured to herself and Izzie, "would be asking you, the patient. So, how far along are you?" Meredith glared at her.

"If I knew that I wouldn't be asking, would I?" Meredith jammed her eyes shut. She hoped she wasn't more than four weeks along. She really hoped she wasn't. Because if she was...well then there were some issues. You know the Montel Williams Show once every couple of months when a mother and her baby come on with two men asking 'who's your daddy?' Well, if she was more then four weeks pregnant Izzie and Cristina might as well sign her, Mark, and Derek up for DNA tests. Seriously.

"I'm going to be a terrible mother." That was rather random to Cristina and Izzie, who were just beginning to piece together the last bits of the puzzle that was Meredith's life. That wasn't important now, though, because Meredith was literally having a nervous breakdown. "I can't do this. How am I going to be a mother? I mean my mother wasn't exactly the best role model. She was a surgeon. She was never around when I needed her. Oh, God. That's going to be me in nine or less months. I'm turning into my mother!" Meredith turned her back on them, resting her forehead against the cool wall. She probably would've begun slamming her head into the wall again had it not been for the hand on her shoulder. Casting a sideways glance backward she found Izzie.

"Look, Meredith, I know this was an accident and it's not the best time for a baby and all, but you'll make a great mom." Meredith stared at her. Izzie was always the supportive one. You could tell if she was lying or not if she made eye contact. And this time she was staring her right in the eye. "You're kind and caring. And you know you won't have to raise the baby alone. We'll be here." Cristina had appeared on her other side.

"And you know, you have options if you...want to pursue options." Izzie cast Cristina a glance. "And if you need me to be, I could be your person." Meredith sighed heavily. This was too much for her mind to digest so early in the morning. She was having a baby, Izzie was right, Cristina was being supportive, and, oh yeah, she was having a baby. She moved away to splash some cold water on her face, staring at her friends over her shoulder. Izzie was whispering something in a hushed voice. Cristina was waving her off. When Meredith turned around, though, they both fell silent, looking in opposite directions. Meredith eyed them for a moment before grabbing some paper towels.

"So I should probably make an appointment to figure out when my due date it..." Meredith felt herself smirking awkwardly. "That sounds really weird."

"Give it a few hours," Cristina insisted. "You'll get used to it."

"Just make sure you get an appointment with someone in a different hospital. Wouldn't want Addison looking up your-" The door burst open and who was to walk in but Addison Montgomery? Izzie trailed off lamely just as Addison turned to stare at her.

"You know, Doctor Stevens, if you're talking about someone and they walk into the room it's best to keep talking. Otherwise they'll know you were talking about them." Izzie stared blankly at Addison as Meredith smirked at her. She and Cristina slipped out of the room unnoticed, leaving a bemused Izzie to deal with the situation on her own.

GA

By that afternoon Meredith had no doubt in her mind that she definitely was pregnant. The fact that after eating breakfast, lunch, and two snacks in between and she was still hungry was only part of it. Besides that, she was more tired then usual, her moods were all over the place, and apparently Bailey noticed these things. Thankfully she didn't link them to pregnancy, but she did see fit to let Doctor Grey run labs and not talk to any patient herself because, well, she might snap at them like she had that poor old man in room 227.

She had just picked up some blood work and just missed the elevator. Rather then waiting for the next one, which people were already gathering around, Meredith doubled back and headed up the stairs. She wasn't all that surprised to find Mark going down while she was going up. Despite the fact that her heart sank considerably when he showed up, she couldn't help but grin lightly as he brushed past her. "Doctor Grey," she turned back while at the top of the landing. "You don't talk to me at work anymore? What fun's that?" He pouted, causing Meredith to giggle faintly. She shouldn't have done that. She knew Mark loved her laugh.

He bounded up the stairs, looping his arm around her waist and brushing her cheek with a hand. Meredith shivered slightly under his touch, only making Mark smile wider. He picked her up into his arms, much to her objection, and perched her on the railing. "Mark," she whined, "Bailey's going to kill me if I don't get these labs back to her ASAP."

"And you will," he responded, toying with a strand of her hair and twisting it around his finger. "I'll tell her I had you run my lab work, okay? What Bailey doesn't know won't hurt her. And her loss is our gain." Mark leaned forward pressing his lips to hers forcefully. Surprised, Meredith nearly fell backwards off the railing, but Mark had his arms around her waist. She still flung her arms around his neck for support. He pulled away, a sly smirk upon his face. "You totally dig me."

"I'm not the one who stalks people in the stairwells," she murmured easily, bobbing her head and evading his next kiss. Mark frowned before leaning forward farther, pushing Meredith out over the staircases. She squealed slightly, not realizing that he had his arms firmly locked around her waist.

"You're not going anywhere," he murmured moving himself forward. Meredith wouldn't dare move backward for fear of falling two flights of stairs, but did move closer when he did, allowing their lips to touch. When she leaned into his kiss he pulled her back in, loosening his grip on her waist as they traded kisses. First slow, deep kisses, and then quick, forceful ones.

"You know I never took you as a stairwell kind of guy," Meredith murmured moments later, now running her thumb along his abdomen. Mark arched a brow slightly, obviously slightly confused.

"Excuse me?"

"Derek was an elevator guy. You're a stairwell guy. I always saw you as more of a 'let's do it on the roof' kind of guy." Meredith offered a suggestive smile as she plucked away at his shirt. Mark shrugged off his lab coat and leaned forward alongside her.

"Yeah? We could try that tomorrow. I was just wondering if we could get away with it so out in the open." He returned her grin with own, the McGrin. "But for now..." He pulled his own shirt over his head, staring at her with arched brows. "Well?" Meredith had to hop off the railing just in case. She really didn't want to fall off. She'd seen him shirtless a lot of times, nearly every day for a month, but she still stared at him for a full minute every time. She wanted to memorize every bit of him she could see. He was handsome, all right, and he was there.

"Well what?" She responded, moving closer and fiddling with the strings of his scrub pants with one hand while still holding her lab results in the other. "You're a stairwell guy. I want to see if I decide to be a stairwell girl." Mark gave a laugh before planting his hands on her hips and lifting her up again, planting her firmly on the railing again.

"Trust me, Meredith, you're a stairwell girl." He pulled at her shirt, brushing against her as he did so. She seemed hesitant. Mark apparently noticed, and simply swooped in for a deep kiss. She dropped her lab results in surprise, the folders littering the floor below. He pulled her shirt over her head and she leaned into him, running her fingers over his chest. He pulled her into his arms and she draped her arms around his neck. Mark slid down the wall and sat with her in his lap. She ran her fingers through his hair and he kissed her neck once, twice, three times before burying his face into her shoulder. He was running his hands over her bare skin and she was shivering under his touch.

"Mark, this is very out in the open," Meredith murmured as he wrapped his arms protectively around her small frame. Moving so his head rested on her shoulder very close to her ear, he spoke.

"That's what makes it so exciting. The risk." She leaned back, her eyes meeting his. Meredith stared at him long and hard. God, those eyes. He was grinning at her again, awaiting her approval. She couldn't help it. Mark made her feel safe again. She tilted her head back and kissed him, lightly, so when he leaned forward to kiss back she'd already pulled away. "You're teasing me," he stated dully. "I don't like it when you tease me."

"Yeah, you do," she insisted, ignoring the goose bumps that formed as his hands made their way from around her shoulders down her sides. He traced small circles on her back before moving to her stomach. Meredith bit her lip slightly as he laid his hand upon her stomach, moving his thumb in a circular motion over it. "Mark," she mumbled as he tapped her stomach five times with his index finger. "Okay, stop," she muttered after the sixth one. This was an ongoing game they had. For every tap he gave her a kiss...on the spot he'd tapped.

Grinning lightly he slipped his head around her arm and pressed his lips lightly to her stomach. Meredith felt her muscles contract each time his lips brushed her skin. She hadn't told him yet. You couldn't hear a fetal heartbeat with the human ear. Could you? Of course not. Then why would we have ultrasounds? Right? "Mark..."

"I got one more," he declared tracing a circle around her bellybutton before pressing his lips to it, sticking his tongue out and blowing into it. Meredith went into a giggle fit, leaning back against him and sighing heavily. He hadn't said anything. She hoped that was because he didn't know anything. "Meredith?" He finally murmured.

"Yeah?"

"Your shirt's ringing." Sure enough her pager, clipped to her scrub shirt, was beeping. Springing to her feet Meredith snatched her shirt, pulling it over her head hastily and grabbing the pager. She stared at it for a moment, head tilted to the side. "What?"

"Nothing," she answered scrambling to retrieve her fallen lab reports and sprinting up the stairs. "Bailey says there's someone here she'd like me to meet..." Mark shot her a cautious glance. He hoped Bailey didn't catch them down there. Meredith would be meeting Doctor Bailey's good friend the rectal if she wasn't careful.

Dropping the lab results off in the patient's room, Meredith caught sight of her Resident. "Doctor Bailey!" She called, falling into step with her. "You said you needed to see me?"

Bailey eyed her carefully. Meredith hastily messed with her hair, keeping her gaze away from her. "I didn't want to see you. Someone else did. You're on Liz Lioness's case, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I got your Neuro consult." Meredith nodded her thanks before ducking back into the room she'd just come out of.

"Good afternoon, Liz. How's everything-" Meredith hovered in the doorway as she stared at the back of the neurosurgeon. That ass looked familiar. That voice was _very_ familiar.

"-I'll be taking on your case. Doctor Grey will be assisting." He turned around. Meredith felt her jaw drop. "Doctor Grey. Can't we be civilized here?"

"De- Doctor Shepherd...What are you doing here?"

Great. Enter dark and twisty Meredith.


	3. Chapter 3: Feel Like a Stranger

**DocNote: Hey there, Anatomy faithful. Just for the record, I didn't die. I had Appendicitis, and then a bought of writers' block that I think I just got over, but I'm back now. Updates may come slowly, so be sure to fill up my inbox with annoying reminders to update. I'm just getting back into the swing of things. How 'bout that Grey's Anatomy last Thursday, eh? **

**DISCLAIMER: Doc's real name is not Shonda, so she does not own Grey's Anatomy.**

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**"You needed a Neuro consult, didn't you?" Why was he talking to her like absolutely nothing had happened? Why was he looking at her that way? You know the look. Like he's seen her naked. He was standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall with Liz Lioness's chart in hand. He arched a brow slightly in question. "Since you don't actually have a neurosurgeon anymore, the Chief thought maybe I'd like to come and take a case. Is there a problem, Doctor Grey?" Meredith simply stared at him. Derek Shepherd had flown in from New York for the sole reason of making her life hell, hadn't he? 

Or, the rational part of Meredith's brain thought, he came for a Neuro consult. He was a neurosurgeon after all. "Yeah, I needed a Neuro consult." She stared blankly at him for a moment. He was wearing that grin of his, the one she used to love. In the back of her mind a part of her was relishing his smile, but she told it to shut up. Derek apparently didn't love her. And she didn't love him, either. Not anymore. Right?

Oh, God. Meredith shook her head slightly. Being pregnant was not a good thing. It was affecting her mind. Or at least that was what she was telling herself anyway. "Good. Then I found the right place." Derek cast the patient, a seven year old girl, a cautious glance. "I'd like another CT. The blood work came back clean, but I have my doubts. Can you do that for me, Doctor Grey?" And right on cue was the lump in her throat, though this time she was almost positive it was because of morning sickness...Or afternoon sickness. Whatever. She forced herself to swallow and gave what she hoped was a warm smile. Meredith was almost certain it came out as a sort of grimace.

"Yeah, I can do that." Derek shot her a curious glance before shrugging and exiting the room. Meredith retreated backwards until she met the chair in front of Liz's bed and flopped into it, rubbing her forehead slowly. "Who's that?" She looked up to see Liz staring pointedly at her. The patient looked to the door and back to Meredith, head tilted slightly to one side. "Is he your husband?" Nope, he definitely wasn't.

"That's Doctor Shepherd. He's your doctor now," she murmured, standing and beginning to transport Liz to CT. The girl gave a happy sort of grin as she leaned back against her pillows.

"Good. He seems nice. " Meredith sighed heavily as they headed down the hallway.

Nice. "Not exactly the adjective I would've used..." Nope. She would've used 'dreamy'. Or at least McHot.

Meredith gave a deep sigh as she stood behind the glass separating her from the CT room. Liz Lioness was one of the single most talkative pre-op patients she had ever met. She asked a lot of questions, pointless questions about the hospital and ones about Meredith herself, and nearly always seemed alert. It was strange, Meredith thought, because this kid had supposedly just gotten a concussion. Apparently she'd fallen off the top of the bleachers while practicing for some kind of school pep rally. Her parents were supposed to be coming in soon, but until then Meredith was this kid's sole familiar -or at least semi-familiar- face. And even though Liz asked a million pointless questions, she found herself smiling dully whenever her voice took on that adorable yet highly annoying high pitch.

"Hey." She turned as if scalded when Derek entered the room. He slid into a chair in front of the computer just as the image of Liz's brain appeared on the screen. He tapped his chin thoughtfully, rotating the picture slightly until the frontal lobe was visible. Doctor Shepherd heaved a sigh before pushing his wheeled chair backwards and allowing Meredith to take a look. "What do you see, Doctor Grey?"

She leaned forward, ignoring Derek's sigh while he leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling. Meredith narrowed her eyes as she stared at the image, biting her lower lip faintly. "Blood clot on the optic nerve. Then that means...She can't see?" Derek stared at her cautiously, a sort of grim smile on his face.

"See here? The blood clot is putting pressure on the optic nerve." Meredith tilted her head slightly to one side. Derek was wheeling back and forth on his chair, a familiar sort of look in his eyes. He had an idea, Meredith knew. He was wearing that irritating, 'ask me about my idea' look that he had so often. Why did he always have ideas? Then Meredith realized that was probably why he was the boss, and she was the intern.

"What? You can fix it, can't you?" He inhaled deeply, tilting his head back to stare up at the ceiling. "Doctor Shepherd..." His attention snapped back to her, a frown gracing his lips. His very full lips. Oh, God.

"So it's Doctor Shepherd now. Before, after you told me you didn't love me anymore after I hesitated, it was Derek. Now it's Doctor Shepherd. Okay." He stood, glancing out at the CT room where Liz was chatting away with one of the nurses. Talkative, yes, but sightless. "It was Derek after we had sex. We had sex, Doctor Grey. I think we can be civilized and call each other by our first names."

"Let's not start this now," Meredith muttered dully, jabbing her finger in the direction of the computer screen. "There's a little girl out there that needs your help. And besides, you just called me Doctor Grey." Derek got to his feet and made to exit the room, not without turning to call over his shoulder.

"Prep her for surgery, Doctor Grey."

"But-"

"You'll see."

GA

"They're going to cut open my head?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you can't see." Meredith sounded exasperated. Liz seemed awfully calm about the entire situation. They were in the elevator, heading towards the OR. "Why didn't you tell me you couldn't see?" The patient looked thoughtful before offering a small smile.

"I can see. I see colors and shapes and people. Just not the way you see them." Meredith opened her mouth to speak, confused as to what she was saying. Just then the doors flew open and Derek's surgical crew surrounded the bed, whisking Liz away mid-conversation. Meredith hung back for a brief moment before surging forward, following them. She burst into the scrub room just as Derek tied his mask on. He arched a brow at her and she gave a look. It seemed that Derek still knew what he many looks meant, as he simply dropped the subject.

"Have you seen the Head of Plastics, Doctor Grey?" Derek asked a moment later. Meredith had been trying to multitask, tying her mask on while scrubbing her hands. Surprised by his question, she dropped her surgical mask into the sudsy water before turning to stare blankly at him.

"Mark?" Meredith blurted out. "Why do you need Mark?"

Derek gestured through the window, where Liz was being put under Anesthesia. "That little girl out there? We're cutting her head open. Here forehead actually, just above the optic nerve. I need to get in there, remove the tumor, and then repair the optic nerve." He paused, inhaling deeply as if he was highly regretting what he was about to say. "Plastics is, in my opinion, not as essential a field as neurology. But Doctor Sloan will do a facial reconstruction, and make sure the patient will be able to blink properly. Now, have you seen him?"

Meredith was getting that annoying, voice caught in your throat feeling again. But this time, it wasn't attributed to old feelings bubbling back to the surface. It was because that, well, this was Derek. And he wanted Mark in on his surgery. Mark, the ex-best friend who basically stole Derek's wife away from him, and who was now currently dating Derek's former dirty mistress, Meredith. This would be the surgery from hell if anything got out. And, knowing the nurses of Seattle Grace, Derek had already heard rumors about the hospital staff's love life. Meredith just hoped her love life wasn't involved.

"Fine. Just like him to be late." Derek edged toward the door of the OR, pushing it open with his back. Meredith opened her mouth on the prospect of defending Mark, but thought better of it. Besides, Derek was already in the Operating Room having a nurse put his gloves on.

"I can't be alone with Derek," Meredith muttered to herself as she fished the wet mask out of the sink and began to re-wash her hands. "I can't be alone with Mark _and_ Derek." She paused, looking thoughtful. "I could be alone with Mark, but apparently that's not an option..."

"That's always an option." She felt her shoulders hunch upward at the familiar voice. Meredith didn't even need to turn around to know Mark had entered the room. In a minute, he was alongside her, scrubbing his hands. "Maybe after we perform a medical miracle with my ex-best friend and your ex-boyfriend we can be alone." He gave her a suggestive sort of look, to which she simply turned off the water faucet, a little harder then she would've liked.

"Just don't kill him, okay? He's still Derek, and he still looks at me." Meredith paused, reveling in the fact that yes, the Doctor McDreamy was still looking at her after all that had happened, "But I can deal with it. I really don't need to be suturing up your face again."

Mark gave an indignant look as he followed her toward the OR. "I would never kill him. Hospitalize him maybe." He paused, frowning. "And if you recall, I sutured my own face. I don't trust interns." Meredith shot him a resentful glance before slipping into the OR. She was thankful that Mark left her a thirty second window to get in, get her gloves on, and get situated before he came bursting into the room.

"Doctor Sloan," Derek murmured, ten-blade already in hand. "Nice of you to join us. I thought I was going to have to do your job and mine all by myself." Behind his mask, Meredith could tell Derek was smirking. It was common knowledge that Derek Shepherd thought his specialty was more important then anyone else's. It was also common knowledge that he despised Plastics. She vaguely wondered whether he always disrespected plastic surgeons, or if it had happened after, you know, New York.

"Don't worry, Derek," Mark replied easily, sliding into position at the patient's left side. Derek was, of course, at the head of the operating table, with the skull flap already partially open. "I'm not going to have this girl go blind just because of your lack of Plastics knowledge." Meredith let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding in; Mark hadn't been rude, not really, and Derek hadn't snapped back. The two Attendings made eye contact for a brief moment, before Derek spoke once more.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives." Meredith couldn't help but notice his gaze had fallen upon her again. "Let's have some fun." At first, the surgery seemed almost normal, if any surgery could be called normal. Back in the day, Meredith and Derek had scrubbed in on numerous neuro surgeries together. Many of them involved removing a tumor. That part, she'd seen before, so it was no surprise that her gaze automatically drifted to Mark as he worked.

It had nothing to do with the fact she was going out with him. Never. Mark was good with a scalpel. She had decided that a month ago, after witnessing one of their first surgeries together. But as he gently cut into Liz Lioness's eyelid, Meredith couldn't help but stare at his hands. It was a clean cut; it wouldn't leave a messy scar. She supposed it came with the territory of being a plastic surgeon, having clean cuts and a light touch. "You see this, Doctor Grey?"

Meredith nearly jumped at the familiar voice, but his tone was much more serious then usual. Mark was staring at her expectantly, and it was then that she realized he was talking about the surgery currently in progress. "The buildup of fluid?"

Mark nodded. "We'll need to drain that with suction." At his words, a suction straw was handed to him."I'll let you do the honors, Doctor Grey." Meredith blinked at his words. Now, it was unusual for Mark to let his interns scrub in, let alone have them actually perform part of a procedure. But then again, Meredith reminded herself, she was technically Derek's intern today.

She took the straw and carefully inserted it in the middle of the incision Mark had made. Meredith had to be careful, and hold the straw steady as the suction was turned on. "We only turn it up to 2.5 percent. Any more and we risk damage to the eyelid." The machine started up and the fluid began being sucked up from inside the eyelid to a disposal container hooked up to the other end of the straw. It looked kind of gross, she noted, the fluid mixed with blood being sucked out. But she was a surgeon, and 'gross' was code for 'cool' for a surgical intern.

Derek's gaze had drifted from his hands at Mark's words. For a brief moment, he thought Mark had brought in his own intern. But no, he was just stealing his, like he stole nearly everything else Derek owned. He paused, rotating his wrist as he handed off his scalpel for a laser tool. "Doctor Sloan, I believe that's my intern. She'd benefit more from seeing a nerve reconstruction anyway."

Mark had been standing behind Meredith, monitoring her progress and nodding every so often. He kept his distance, though, for fear that Derek might lunge across the operating table and tackle him if he so much as looked at Meredith. This relationship in secret thing was starting to get really irritating. "I think Doctor Grey would benefit from this end of the procedure as well, Derek."

"Doctor Shepherd," Derek corrected in an even tone. His gaze had drifted back to the surgery he was performing, though he was still talking while reconstructing the nerves. "And Grey is _my_ intern. Therefore, she should be on this side of the table. Doctor Grey?"

"Well, Doctor Grey currently has her hand holding the suction straw. You know as well as I do, Doctor Shepherd, that if the straw is moved too hastily we can cause severe damage to the eye, and therefore, blindness." Mark paused, giving a smirk behind his mask. Meredith could tell Derek could tell Mark was smirking by the glint in his eyes.

Meredith was only aware that her fingers were shaking when Mark's hand latched around her wrist. "Meredith?" He murmured cautiously, taking hold of the suction straw with his other hand. "Slowly, carefully, we're going to pull this out. Okay?" She nodded slowly, barely registering the fact that her brain had sent a message to her hand to lift the straw out. Mark's hand was still clasped around her wrist as she pulled it out, dripping some odd, dark colored fluid onto the OR floor. "You okay?"

Meredith swallowed hard, gaze darting to Derek, who was staring at them. He was shooting her the same, disgusted sort of glare he'd given her when she accidentally confessed to sleeping with Mark the first time. And, for some reason Meredith couldn't quite understand, and she really wished she didn't feel this way, she was hurt by it. She promised herself she would never be hurt by Derek Shepherd again. Apparently, that was a promise she couldn't exactly keep. "I-I'm fine." Both Derek and Mark knew that tone. Meredith was totally not fine.

She gently pulled her hand away from Mark's, resulting in the suction straw falling to the ground. "Sorry," she murmured in a quiet voice. "I-" and suddenly she was met with a whirlwind of different types of pain. First of all, her head felt like it was going to explode. Her stomach was shooting off throbs of pain, and to top it off she felt like she was going to throw up. Again.

"Meredith?" She was only vaguely aware that both Mark and Derek had said her name. Mark was the one to speak next. "Derek, keep working. You've got a girl's vision in the balance. I'll take care of this. Okay?"

There was a moment of silence. The tension could be cut with a knife. That silence was broken when Meredith suddenly felt her head spinning, and then she collapsed, losing consciousness. "Okay," Derek finally echoed. "Okay."

"Can we get a stretcher in here?" There was the scuffling of shoes and then someone burst into the room with the gurney.

"What happened?" The intern who'd brought the gurney murmured in a cautious tone. "Meredith? Oh shit." Half of Derek's surgical team had moved to lift and transport the fallen intern onto the stretcher and into the hallway.

"Yeah," Mark stated, looking Cristina over. "You know something we don't, Stevens?" She fell quiet, still moving alongside the stretcher as it moved through the hallways. "Stevens?"

Izzie looked up, words coming out as barely more then a whisper. "She's pregnant." Izzie swore the entire surgical floor must have heard her, for everything fell silent. She cast a glance at Mark, whose expression faded from stunned to calm, cool, and collected in an instant.

A pause and then Mark's voice booming over the group of doctors. "Someone get Addison Montgomery here fast!"


	4. Chapter 4: Over my Head

**Doc's Note: Well, here you go. I think I'm getting back in the swing of things. I'm writing instead of studying again, which while being stupid, is a really good sign that my writers' block is in fact gone. Enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: Doc seriously does not own Grey's Anatomy.

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"Get out. You've certainly done enough damage." 

Her head was throbbing painfully, and she was pretty sure she wasn't actually conscious. Meredith heard the words from far away, and they sounded distorted and very unfamiliar. She was sure she knew the voice from somewhere, but she couldn't quite pinpoint it. Besides, she was a little more then slightly distracted by the fact that she felt like her body had simply given up, and then there was the lingering thought that, oh yeah, she had just passed out in the operating room of Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd. And if she knew her friends at all, and she thought she did, someone had probably told whoever was tending to her that she was pregnant.

And that was exactly what she needed, the entire hospital knowing that the slutty intern was pregnant with, well, _someone's_ baby. She was sure the nurses would come up with their own theories on who the father was. Cristina would probably be holding bets. "All right, Grey. Let's get a look." For a moment, Meredith figured that she might actually be awake, and just drugged, which was why she hadn't recognized Addison's voice. But then, when she was sure her eyes had snapped open, she saw the distinct look of surprise on the neonatal surgeon's face. "Oh, you're awake."

"That's cold," Meredith stated dully, voice sounding groggy as she indicated the gel on the end of the transducter. This was weird, Meredith finally realized, that she was getting an Ultrasound from the woman from whom she'd potentially stolen her husband. It was...awkward to say the least.

"Sorry. So," Addison looked away from the monitor for a moment; she hadn't gotten a clear picture anyway. "When did _this_ happen?" Yes, this was definitely awkward. But, hell, Addison was the neonatal surgeon, and Meredith had admittedly collapsed while pregnant. Still, she really wished she would have been able to take her friends' advice and get a nice consult from someone other then Addison Montgomery. Not that she disliked Addison, it was just...weird.

"You tell me," Meredith mumbled somewhat softly. Her gaze drifted from her stomach to meet Addison's eyes and back again. She gave a sheepish sort of smile. "Actually, don't tell me. I don't think I want to know."

Addison looked thoughtful, as if debating whether or not to ask why. Meredith saw the realization sink into the neonatal surgeon's eyes as she let out a low sigh. "You know, I've heard you called Dark and Twisty before, but I never really noticed how much so until now." Meredith gave a dull chuckle in spite of herself.

"It's not like I want these things to happen. I-" She paused, startled into silence when the image popped up on the monitor. It was slightly distorted, and hard to see, but it was definitely there, a fetus, her baby, in her stomach. "Oh, my God." Meredith breathed, feeling her own hand slip down to her abdomen, and place her fingers gently on top of it. Sure, she'd seen the pregnancy test before, but the real impact of the fact that she was pregnant didn't exactly hit her until now. Well, technically, it had hit her like a ton of bricks when she'd fainted, but now, looking at that little person growing inside of her, with real proof, it seemed surreal.

"That's my baby." She stated it as a statement, but Meredith had a feeling it came out in an almost questioning tone.

"That's your baby," Addison confirmed, in that tone she only used with mothers to be. She removed the transducter from Meredith's stomach, much to the intern's surprise.

"That's it?" Meredith sounded almost confused. She'd collapsed on the Operating Room floor! There had to be something wrong. Right? "Shouldn't you maybe run some tests or something?..."

Addison had shot her 'the look'. It wasn't often that Meredith got that look anymore, since she and Addison were on friendlier terms now. But that look still gave her the chills, that same somewhat amused yet irritated look she'd gotten the day Addison had shown up at Seattle Grace for the first time, revealing that Derek wasn't exactly the perfect man. "This is my specialty, Meredith," she responded with a sigh. "Fetal heartbeat's strong, no signs of complications to you, everything checks out. You're fine. The baby's fine. Stress on a mother can cause things like this to happen. I suppose you've been stressed?"

She paused, dropping them into that uneasy silence once more. "You really don't know who the father is, do you?"

Meredith shook her head. "I kind of just found out I was even pregnant this afternoon." Addison tilted her head slightly to one side. "So it could be Mark's or..." She left that statement quite open; it felt like if she admitted that this baby could possibly be Derek's, it would be. Or at least she would start some sort of old argument with Addison.

Neither of those things happened, not right now anyway. Addison simply heaved a sigh. "Look, Meredith, I don't have to tell you anything you don't want to be told. I'm just advising you that eight to nine months from now when you have this baby, you have some kind of father in line. I can't tell you what to do. You're an adult. But you know, they always kind of want to know when they've helped create something. They like to take credit any way they can."

Meredith looked thoughtful. "Eight to nine months?" She gave a thoughtful sort of grin. "You're not going to give me the exact due date and make me figure it all out?"

Addison shook her head. "Not if you don't want me to. Of course, there's always the doctor-patient confidentiality rule." The redhead shrugged at this. "And remember, that only includes you and me, not any of the other doctors that are running around this hospital."

Meredith leaned back against her pillows. She really, _really_ did not want to deal with this right now. In fact, she'd been planning on waiting until she, well, started looking pregnant to break the fact to anyone else, Mark included. But if he knew... "Who were you talking to, outside the room, before I came to?" She was afraid she already knew the answer.

Addison's hesitating confirmed it before her answer ever could. "Mark." Meredith closed her eyes, obviously debating her predicament. Did she tell Mark? And if she did tell Mark herself, (he obviously already knew) would she mention the tiny detail that he might not be the father? That was the real question. And, what about Derek? "Meredith?" Addison brought her out of her reverie.

"Yeah?"

"We always do this, for records of procedures, but I always have to ask..."

"What?" Meredith felt her breath catch in her throat; what was she going to ask her anyway? Some sort on interrogation about her pregnancy? What?

"You want a copy?" Addison held up a still shot of the Ultrasound. "It's kinda like your baby's first pictures. Usually they're a little more developed but..."

Meredith felt herself smile. "Sure, I'll take a copy." Addison handed her the copy, and made to exit the room.

"You can leave whenever you feel ready to, but I'd advise bed rest." Addison let a small laugh escape her. "Not that you doctors ever listen to me anyway." Meredith found herself grinning lightly at the Ultrasound, tracing the small outline of her baby. The baby that was inside her, growing. Her eyes snapped back to Addison just as she left the room.

"Addison!" She called. No response. "DOCTOR MONTGOMERY?" The click-clack of stiletto heels signaled the neonatal surgeon's return.

"You bellowed, Doctor Grey?" Again, Addison was relieved that Meredith remembered nothing of the Morphine incident. That had been...interesting. Meredith inhaled deeply, gaze still on the Ultrasound. Her eyes drifted to Addison and she spoke, barely above a whisper.

"If it's all right with you, I think I'd like to know my official due date...Could you maybe put it on a piece of paper so I could look at it...when I'm ready?"

GA

Today was a long shift day. What did that mean for Meredith Grey? Normally, that meant catching dinner somewhere between eight p.m. and midnight, usually alone. But today, as she wasn't put on any very strenuous cases because of her, ahem, condition, Meredith was heading off to the cafeteria right at eight o'clock. Her post-op forms could wait. Besides, she'd been tipped off by Cristina that as of now, both Derek and Mark were in surgery. Now would be the perfect time to catch a quick meal.

Or a not so quick meal. When you were eating for two, and Meredith _finally_ realized why she'd been eating so much lately, you tended to eat very long, very big, meals. When she slipped into the cafeteria, apparently unnoticed, she took it as a good sign. Perhaps the rumor mill had died down for the day, and she wouldn't have to deal with it until tomorrow. She went quickly through the line, picking up a variety of different foods, and quickly paid for it all. When Meredith turned around, she was slightly surprised to see about fifty pairs of eyes staring at her. Apparently, the rumor mill never stopped working.

Meredith stood, momentarily frozen in place, as she tried to see past the sea of eyes. Did this hospital seriously have nothing better to do then sit around gawking at Meredith Grey's Dark and Twisty life? She nearly jumped when someone touched her shoulder, relieved to see a familiar face among the sea of rumor weed. "George," she stated in an exasperated tone. "Why aren't they saying anything?"

He gave a nervous sort of chuckle before heading back the way he came, indicating for Meredith to follow. "I'm pretty sure Cristina threatened them that if they said anything, they wouldn't see a patient for a month. They'd _be_ the patient. Or something." Meredith gave a somewhat amused sigh. There was no need to ask where they were going; she knew the route like the back of her hand by now.

When they arrived at Really Old Guy's room, the other three were already immersed in conversation. It died off into nothing when the two entered the room, and Meredith flopped onto an unoccupied chair, nearly waking Really Old Guy with her irritated intake of breath. "Yeah, I didn't want them talking about me, but I really don't want them just staring at me either. Thanks anyway, Cristina." Meredith settled back on the prospect of eating, but found she wasn't hungry anymore. Being pregnant kind of sucked.

"So," Alex murmured from his spot leaning against the windowsill. "How come Cristina and Izzie knew you were pregnant, and I didn't. I bet Bambi knew, too. He's usually involved in your little girl talks."

"I didn't know!" George protested, pushing off from his leaning position in the doorway. "I swear I didn't! I'm not her sister. She didn't tell me anything!" He paused, shooting Meredith a look. "Why didn't you tell me anything? I live in your house!"

"You all knew," Cristina stated rather dully. "We all knew. Hell, the only one who didn't know was Meredith. With Izzie going around with her pregnancy book, you had to wonder who was pregnant. Turns out, our suspicions were right."

"I only found out today anyway," Meredith responded in a semi-irritated tone. "So did they. Because they forced me to take a pregnancy test." She gave Izzie and Cristina an annoyed look. "I'm never doing anything either of you say ever again. It always turns out badly for me."

"Look at it this way," Izzie murmured, turning around to sit Indian style on the floor. "At least you found out before Mark." She had to stop herself from adding the attachment of 'and Derek' but figured that Meredith wouldn't appreciate that.

"Oh yeah. I found out at one o'clock, and he found out at five. I have so much of an advantage." Meredith groaned, arms wrapped around her body. This day was just getting worse and worse.

"Hey," Alex muttered through biting into an apple. "I got a real reason to be thankful. Least it's not Shepherd's." Silence fell over the room, mostly over the three women. George had opened his mouth to agree, but caught Izzie's gaze and ended up mouthing silently. Alex was the only one completely oblivious to what was going on. "What? You'd rather it be Shepherd's?"

Meredith seemed to be having fun trying to bore a hole into the floor. She was sure someone would jump in to break the uneasy quiet, but it most certainly wouldn't be her. Her hand was clenched into a fist around the slip of paper in her pocket. She hadn't looked at it yet; she wasn't ready, especially after what Alex had just suggested. She continued coiling and uncoiling her fist around it, debating with herself. Did she want to know? Or didn't she? Quite frankly, there were advantages to both options...She was snapped from her thoughts when George broke the silence.

"Well, anyway, at least you kept Shepherd and Sloan from killing each other with your fainting stunt," he murmured with a grin. "I bet they weren't getting along so well, what with you the only mediator between them."

Cristina jumped at the change of subject, instantly molding it into something totally un-Derek or Mark or baby related. "Yeah, how was that procedure anyway? It sounded like it'd be interesting. Was it?"

Meredith shrugged lightly, trying hard to remember anything before she'd passed out. "Mark let me hold the suction straw. It was gross, but cool." That went without saying. "I wonder if she's okay..."

"Liz Lioness, right?" Izzie questioned, looking up from the chart she'd been reading. "I'm on post-op checkups now. Says she's fine, made it through surgery. Her parents got held up, though." Izzie glanced at Meredith. "She's been asking for you."

Alex smirked. "Look, she's already got the kids climbing all over her. She'll be fine." Meredith arched a brow. "Cristina and Izzie were worried about you, but wouldn't tell me why. I could just tell, the way they were saying your name all cautiously."

Meredith let her graze drift between the two. Well, at least her friends cared. She had to remember to thank them for that later. "I'll be fine," she repeated, getting to her feet.

"Where you going?" George wondered aloud, gesturing to the still full tray of food sitting alongside her chair. "You didn't eat a thing. You're eating for two now, y'know..."

"O'Malley, seriously." Alex shook his head slowly. "You know she'll be up at 3 a.m. eating peanut butter covered Oreos or something."

"Yeah, Alex," Izzie mused. "You're the expert on neonatal. You'd know." He shot her a glare, to which Izzie simply smirked.

"You didn't answer the question," Cristina murmured. "Where _are_ you going?"

"To check on my kid." The other four exchanged bemused looks. "My patient. But, if you want to check my kid out, take a look at that." Meredith had a manilla folder underneath her lunch tray, and handed it over to George as she passed him. It contained her Ultrasound, and she heard a distinct 'awe' as she left the room. Then a 'Seriously, George?' She chuckled lightly, barely turning around when she heard her name being called.

"Meredith!" Cristina had poked her head out of the room. "You should really send a look out first."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not James Bond, Cristina. Besides, you said they were both in surgery."

"You wouldn't be talking about me, would you?" Meredith winced at the voice. She knew it all too well. Cristina was right. Why did Cristina always have to be right? Meredith turned around to see Mark striding toward her from the end of the hallway. Cristina shot her a look, one that said 'I can tackle him if you wanna run'. She shook her head quickly, allowing Mark to near her. She couldn't run forever, right? Still, her hand was still clamped around the slip of paper in her pocket. "Are you okay? You realize you scared the crap out of me in there, right?"

Meredith gave a shrug. "I'm fine." Fine. That word should be outlawed. It almost never really meant 'fine' especially in medical situations. It was just what you said.

"And the little guy?"

"You realize it might be a girl, right?" Meredith had said it automatically. It wasn't exactly how she'd wanted to start this conversation out, but now that she had she was forced to let him respond.

Mark frowned, though she could see the laughter flash through his eyes. "If she's half as much of a handful as her mother is, she's never leaving the house." Meredith rolled her eyes lightly.

"Oh, yeah, and if the baby turned out to be like you it'd be so much better off." Mark gave her a sort of suggestive smile, removing his hand from the pocket of his lab coat and letting it rest on her stomach. He scrunched his face up, as if in deep thought. Time seemed to pass so slowly for those few seconds, and Meredith could've sworn she felt Mark realizing just by his hand resting there, so close to the baby, that it might not be his.

No such luck. "This baby is going to be one cute little thing. Look at us. Seriously, how could we screw it up? No matter if it's a boy or a girl, this baby's going to be the next generation's heartbreaker." Meredith could feel herself frowning, though Mark didn't appear to have noticed. He had his arm looped around her waist, and was leading her along the hallways.

"Mark," she stated quietly, somewhat startled when she figured out just where he was leading her. "We can't do this now." He didn't seem to mind, and opened the door to the stairway leading to the roof anyway.

"You take me for such a man," Mark commented in a hurt tone. "There happens to be a really nice view of Seattle up here. And since this is the one day of the year it's not raining, I figured I'd show you." Meredith couldn't help but smile slightly. Though Mark could be, well, McSteamy, he also had this side, which everyone else rarely saw. Meredith liked Mark this way, of course she felt kind of guilty that he was doing this right now. Why not yesterday? Oh, yeah. They were having makeout sessions yesterday.

"Mark," she repeated. They were two steps from the door. Meredith slid in front of him, on the prospect of blocking his path, but he simply chuckled and lifted her into his arms, pushing the door open with his back. "Mark! Put me down!"

He shrugged and obliged, setting her down lightly. Mark heaved a sigh, glancing out at the Seattle skyline by nightfall. "You know, when people talk about Seattle, they usually talk about one of three things: the coffee, the space needle, or the damn rain." Mark paused, casting a glance at Meredith. "When people ask me about Seattle, y'know what I tell them about?"

She wasn't sure she wanted to know. The city was so beautiful at night. It looked even better from up here. It was cold, though, so Meredith had her arms wrapped around her body. "What?" She nearly whispered, shivering when Mark wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

He rested his chin on her shoulder. "_You._"

Okay. That was it. She couldn't take it anymore. Here Meredith was, keeping a huge secret from him, and Mark was being the sweetest guy possible. She pulled away from him lightly, and Mark frowned. "Mark," she said again, in that tone she had. He straightened up, looking at her seriously. Meredith rarely used that tone with him, it was just too serious.

"Yeah?"

"I have to tell you something..."

"Yeah?"

Meredith gulped. Suddenly there was a huge lump in her throat. She didn't think she'd be able to breathe, let alone speak. When she did manage to muster up the courage to say something, her sentence came out quickly and as one long word. "I don't know how to tell you this but I'm not sure if the baby's yours."

He was quiet for a moment, probably trying to decipher her words. When the flash of understanding passed through Mark's eyes, Meredith recoiled. "What?"

"I," Meredith felt herself choking up, "I didn't have Addison tell me the due date but...I mean, it could be Derek's, right?"

He stared at her. She stared back. Mark turned his back to her. When he spoke, his voice was calm. He didn't sound mad. "When you figure out who your baby's daddy is, mind letting me know?" He reentered the stairwell, slamming the door to the roof behind him. Maybe he was mad. But could Meredith really blame him?

So she was left alone and cold, watching the stars appear over Seattle. Meredith moved over toward the edge of the building, leaning against the railing. She really shouldn't have looked down, but she did, and the drop made her stomach lurch. Leaning out over the hospital roof she threw up again, glad no one had been directly below her.

Meredith sighed heavily. Correction, she wasn't alone. She was her with her baby.


	5. Chapter 5: The Hardest Part

**Doc's Note: Another day, another chapter. I'm getting a groove going again, people. Tell me what you think, especially predictions on whose baby it is (or who you want it to be). I already have everything planned out, but I like to see reader preferences as well.**

**DISCLAIMER: If you notice, I slipped something in here about what someone was doing nine p.m. on a Thursday. I myself am plopped in front of my TV _watching_ Grey's Anatomy, not owning it.

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**

She wasn't really sure why she was here. It was basic instinct. Whenever she had a bad day, hell, whenever anybody at the hospital had a bad day, you went to Joe's. It was just the way things were at Seattle Grace. But Meredith wasn't an idiot. She might have been pregnant and hormonal, but she was no idiot. She wasn't about to drink her problems away. She was, however, looking to get out of the rain, and she didn't really feel up to listening to George's baby voice whenever she walked into a room anymore today. 

So she came to Joe's. And, as usual, Joe was waiting behind the bar with a shot glass and a bottle of tequila when she sat down. "The usual, Meredith?"

She inhaled deeply and shook her head. "I'll just have a water." Joe nearly did a double take. This was Meredith Grey. Tequila was her poison. And here she was, sitting in his bar, asking for _water_? Was there something wrong with his tequila? Or was it Meredith who was acting strangely? She did have a very glazed over look in her eyes, like she hadn't gotten enough sleep.

A glass of water slid down the bar and stopped in front of Meredith a moment later. She traced a circle around the top of the glass before taking a long sip, and sighing in relief. "You okay?" Joe was cleaning a glass and staring at her with his head tilted to one side. Meredith cast a glance about. The bar seemed oddly empty tonight, only a few interns in one corner of the bar and some nurses shooting pool.

"Let's just say today wasn't my best."

Joe offered a smile. "Least it wasn't your worst." Meredith found herself chuckling in spite of herself. Somehow, Joe always knew the right things to say. She supposed it came with the territory, with having his bar directly across from a hospital. His main customers were the doctors of Seattle Grace. "Uh-oh. Spoke too soon."

Meredith turned to glance over her shoulder at his words, trying to see just what -or who- had switched her day from bad to worse. As soon as she'd looked, she whipped around, staring hard at the bottle of tequila resting behind the bar. Maybe Derek would just go off and order his double scotch single malt and leave her alone. Who was she kidding? It was Derek. Besides, it wasn't as if she was totally against his being here. Oh, _God_. Not again.

Derek couldn't be here, not in Seattle, not in Joe's Bar, not within a ten foot radius of Meredith Grey. It screwed up her ability to think straight, and now that she was pregnant, she thought she might need all the brain power she could get thank you very much. Meredith took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. The last thing she needed was to faint again, and rouse Addison Montgomery from whatever activity she might be doing at nine p.m. on a Thursday, just for another false alarm. She was slightly surprised when she looked behind her again, this time on the prospect of checking the clock (even though she already had a wristwatch plainly in view) to see Derek sitting a few feet down the bar from her, alone, sipping his usual double scotch single malt.

Was it possibly that he had changed in their month apart? Meredith looked contemplatively into her half-empty glass of water. Or had she simply chosen to forget that, hey, that was the guy she'd been in love with? He was still Derek. Even if Derek was -and might have still been- an ass, he was Derek Shepherd. _McDreamy_. And she was still Meredith Grey.

"Are you just a guy in a bar?" She opened the conversation. Why did she open the conversation in the first place? Well, there was the small issue that this could potentially be her baby's father, but that was besides the point. Meredith was in a bar, and even if she hadn't consumed any alcohol herself, the environment had a small effect on her. Oh, wait. That might have just been hormones. It was getting hard to tell.

Derek looked up, arching an eyebrow in question. "Guess that depends on if you're just a girl in a bar." He tilted his head slightly to one side. "We're being civil."

"You said we should," she responded with a shrug. He nodded.

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure if that civilness was going to be extended outside of the workplace or not." Derek took a long drawl from his drink. "Apparently, you haven't changed all that much, Meredith." His voice was the same it had been a month ago, but there was something different about him. She just couldn't pinpoint exactly what yet.

Meredith chuckled slightly. "Are you implying something? I'm drinking water now." She held up her glass to prove it. "I've changed since you."

"And yet you went after my ex-best friend who happens to have learned everything from me. Go figure." Derek chuckled to himself, shaking his head slightly. He lifted his glass in her direction. "Maybe you are the same. Maybe he's changed. In the end, he got what we both wanted anyway." He paused, looking thoughtfully into his scotch glass. "But I guess you got what you wanted, too. You're happy...aren't you?"

Meredith could just tell by the somewhat reserved tone of his voice in the last statement that he was referring to the baby. She unconsciously had one hand resting on her stomach. He caught that, and couldn't help but smile that smile of his, the one that to this day sent a shiver down Meredith Grey's spine. "I thought I was," she muttered to the counter top. Derek sighed.

"What's wrong now? Please don't tell me your life got more dark and twisty since I've been away, because I seriously couldn't take that right now." He'd moved from his own seat to sit on a barstool next to hers. Meredith felt the smile pulling at her lips, though she bit the inside of her cheek to keep it from getting out. The last thing she needed was Derek to see her grinning, because then, well, something would happen. She wasn't quite sure what that something was yet.

Meredith shrugged. "My life's no more dark and twisty then usual. I just found out I'm pregnant today, which you already know, so I've resorted back to water. The entire hospital is talking about me behind my back in front of my face and," she paused, taking a large gulp of water before continuing her voice shaking slightly, "And I'm not sure who the father is."

Derek stared. She stared back. He kept staring, and Meredith looked away. She contented herself by saying that she did the right thing in her mind. She could've always just told Mark it was his baby, and everything would've worked out fine. But she was Meredith Grey. And this was Derek Shepherd.

He took a few moments to digest the information, finishing off his drink and pushing it away. Derek rubbed his temples as if in deep thought, debating the obvious question. "When...are you due?" Yeah, apparently she wasn't the only one who remembered the dates (times, place,) they had sex.

She winced. "I don't know," Meredith muttered quietly, checking the pocket of her jeans for the slip of paper. It was still there. "I mean, I could know if I wanted to, but I'm just...not ready, you know?" She didn't expect him to know. He was Derek. And more then that, he was a man. Addison was right. Men did like to know when they had a part in making something.

But he nodded. "Okay." Derek had his elbow propped on the bar, chin on his fist. He was staring at her, but she didn't seem to notice. Meredith was too preoccupied by the fact that he'd accepted it. When she did turn to stare at him, she realized something. Two things, actually. First of all, he was Derek Shepherd, and he would always be Derek Shepherd, even after everything he'd done to her. That was just the way he was.

Secondly, there was a strange sparkle in his eyes, one she hadn't seen in a very long time. Meredith was sure she had seen it at least once before, but she didn't remember what it had meant. "Okay?"

"Yes. Okay. I understand that you're not ready, and I respect that. Take all the time you need. As long as you only need tonight. I don't want to wait forever, and I doubt Mark will, either." Derek stood at this point, shrugging his jacket over his shoulders. He dropped a wad of cash on the bar counter, much more then was needed for his single drink. Meredith cast him a glance. He smirked. Joe swooped by to collect it, and went back probably to collect change.

"Don't worry about it, Joe. You've always been around when I need to talk." Derek shrugged when Joe separated the wad, showing him just how much he was giving away. "It's not all for you. Meredith can buy any non-alcoholic drink she wants. Splurge, go for the Shirley temple."

Meredith stared from her half of a water glass to Derek and back again. "I have my water."

"And we all know you want that tequila. But you'll have to settle for something sweet." Derek slipped out of the bar as quietly as he had entered, leaving Meredith staring at her water glass. She sighed slightly, pushing it aside.

"Could you bring a Shirley Temple, Joe? Could you maybe just put a shot of Tequila in it? Fine..."

A few hours later, Meredith returned home, feeling somewhat exasperated and more tired then usual. That was expected after pulling a nice, long, shift. All she really wanted to do was collapse on her bed. But when Meredith finally opened the door, flinging her jacket and car keys onto the ground, she found she wasn't the least bit tired. In fact, she was wide awake.

And, just as Alex had predicted, she was hungry. With a groan, Meredith wandered into the kitchen and began rummaging through the refrigerator. Nothing in there seemed to satisfy her. She turned around to snatch something from the cookie jar, but paused, seeing a covered plate with a note attached to it. Without reading it, Meredith snatched one of the wads and shoved it into her mouth, earning herself an explosion of flavor. "Izzie," she muttered between bites, "These are _good_."

According to the note, these 'wads' as George had dubbed them, were a mixture of peanut butter, chocolate chip, and brownie dough sprinkled with extra sugar. Meredith took another and turned to pour herself some milk when she heard someone else enter the room. Thinking it was Izzie, she hastily hid her wad by shoving it into her mouth. When she turned around, Meredith saw George hovering in the doorway, with an amused expression on his face.

"I take it you found the wads?"

She tried to answer, but found her tongue glued to the roof of her mouth. Quickly downing a glass of milk, Meredith nodded. "How did she know what to make? They seriously satisfy my cravings..." She grabbed another one and broke it in half, handing him the smaller one and beginning to pop bits of her own into her mouth.

George shrugged, stuffing the cookie-thing into his mouth and swallowing hard. "Maybe she made 'em for Cristina." They both exchanged glances. "Or maybe she just threw in random ingredients. It sure _looked_ that way when we were making 'em."

Meredith arched a brow. "She let you help her bake something?"

"Well, no," George admitted with a sheepish smile. "I kind of licked the spoon afterwards." Meredith shook her head slowly. That was so George. "So, where were you tonight?"

Meredith bit her lip. "Joe's," she answered honestly, not bothering to add in the small factor that Derek had been there. He hadn't asked who she was with, had he? Catching his stare on her, Meredith held up a hand. "I only drank water and Shirley Temples. You can ask Joe himself. Derek could be a witness, too." Damn it, she'd slipped.

"Derek?" George nearly growled, taking a moment to calm himself down by shoving another wad into his mouth. "What was _he_ doing there? More importantly, why were you talking to him?"

"Because he's Derek," she stated lamely, as if that was the answer to everything. Meredith sighed heavily, toying with the slip of paper in her pocket. She withdrew it, crumpled into a ball and set it on the table, underneath her hand. George was seated across from her, awaiting more of an explanation. "And I had to tell him sometime, right? Now they both know."

"They both know that they _might_ be a father," George assumed, staring at her with that look on his face. You know the one, the George look, the sort of kicked puppy look he got whenever he was hurting -or whenever he supposed one of his friends was being hurt. "And you know they...might be the father, too?"

She lifted her hand, revealing her crumpled slip of paper. "It's on there. I haven't looked yet." Meredith pushed the paper in George's direction. "I don't want to know."

"You seriously don't want to know?" George responded, not touching the piece of paper. It sat dead center between them on the counter. His attention was on Meredith, not the slip of paper. "You want to end up a single mom? Not that you would be. I mean, you'd have all of us. But, you really don't wanna know? How can your relationship with Mark -hell, any guy- isn't gonna get better that way."

Meredith lay her arms on the counter top, chin resting atop them. "I guess I want to know. I'm just scared to know, because either way I'm afraid of what their reaction will be. What _everyone's_ reactions will be."

George's expression softened. "It doesn't matter how everyone else reacts. You know no matter what, Izzie, Cristina, Alex and me? We'll stand behind you whatever happens. If those guys don't, screw them. They're missing out. Right?" Meredith stared at him through her hair. He sighed. "You want me to open it?"

"Only if you don't tell me what you think of the result afterward." Meredith watched as he extended his hand, fist clenching around the slip of paper. "And don't say it out loud, either! Just...you look first, then I'll look." George nodded, pulling the paper closer and slowly unfolding the due date from the crumpled ball it had become. He squinted at it for a moment, pushing the paper away from him, and toward Meredith.

George didn't look at her as she read the answer. Silence fell between them after that. He broke off a piece of wad and chewed it slowly. He pushed the plate at Meredith. "Want another wad?"

GA

The next day, Meredith was assigned post-ops. Apparently, Bailey didn't think she was in a sound enough state of mind to actually hold a scalpel. She was probably right. Meredith had been through the hallways of Seattle Grace all morning, checking up on patients and talking with families. She hadn't seen Mark once, or Derek for that matter. Not that she really minded. She wasn't exactly looking forward to _that_ confrontation. At least she wasn't in surgery with the both of them today.

She was, however, checking up on Liz Lioness, the patient the three of them had operated on yesterday. Meredith slipped into the room quietly, as it was dark. She was under the impression that Liz was probably asleep, but a pair of bright blue eyes stared out at her from the darkness. Meredith blinked in confusion. "Liz? Why are the lights off?"

"Meredith! I wondered when you were gonna see me." Liz cooed in a high-pitched squeal. "The nurses were bothering me," she stated simply, giggling lightly. "When I pretended to be asleep, they left me alone." Meredith gave a dull chuckle.

"Would you mind if I turned on the lights? I need to check you out really quick." Liz nodded, though Meredith couldn't see it through the dark. Somehow, though, she knew Liz wouldn't mind it. She flicked on the light and was slightly surprised by the lack of hair and the scars, but Liz was still smiling brightly back at her. "So how are you feeling?"

"Better," she stated seriously. "You look just how I imagined you would." Liz smiled thoughtfully as Meredith bustled about, checking her vitals. She nodded a few times, and jotted things down on a clipboard. Liz tilted her head to one side. "Whatcha doin'?"

Meredith looked up, momentarily immersed in her medical duties to be amused by Liz's obliviousness. "Oh, just checking up on your vital signs. They look good."

The little girl laughed again. "Is my brain better now?"

"Yep." Liz's eyes were focused on the stethoscope hanging out of Meredith's lab coat pocket.

Her eyes darted from Meredith's face to the stethoscope and she offered an innocent sort of smile. "I think my heart might be hurt, too." Liz's gaze lingered on the stethoscope. "Maybe you should check, Meredith."

The intern couldn't help but smile at the young girl's curiosity. Meredith pulled the stethoscope out of her pocket and sat on the edge of the bed, listening to the steady heartbeat. She frowned back at Liz. "I'm not sure. Here, how about you listen." She handed the ear pieces over to the seven year old, and Liz squinted in concentration. Her eyes lit up when Meredith held the stethoscope to her chest, and she heard her own heartbeat.

"I hear it! It sounds good!"

"Yeah, your heart's in perfect working condition." Liz frowned. "Something wrong?"

"Do all hearts sound the same?"

Meredith shrugged. "Most of them, unless they're broken. Why?"

Liz pulled her covers up to her chin, as if she was embarrassed. "Can I hear _your_ heart, Meredith?"

"Sure." She held the stethoscope up to her own chest and awaited Liz's answer. The little girl giggled again.

"They sound the same."

"Good. That means my heart's working, too." Meredith stood, casting a glance around the room. "Have your other doctors been in to see you, Liz?" The patient nodded, then shook her head. Meredith laughed lightly.

"Doctor Mark was in here earlier. He said I'm gonna have a cool scar." Meredith rolled her eyes. That was just like Mark. "I haven't seen Doctor Derek since yesterday."

"Here you are, Mr. and Mrs. Daniels." Mark was hovering in the doorway with two blonde people. Meredith could easily see those were Liz's parents. In an instant, the little girl's attention was drawn away from Meredith and to her parents.

"Mommy! Daddy! You're here!" Meredith smiled warmly as the family was reunited, but couldn't help feeling slightly put out. Apparently, little kids could only focus on a maximum of two people at once. Of course, parents made the top of that list. She had only been the doctor after all. Meredith edged backwards, nearly ramming into Mark on her way out. She gave a sheepish grin, which he returned, however reluctantly.

"You got an answer for me yet, Meredith?"


	6. Chapter 6: Deja Vu

**Doc's Note: You're lucky to get this one today. Seriously. I'm not doing my Literature project and procrastinating by writing this. So hope you like it. I was actually surprised at the voting results. Didn't know there were that many MerMark supporters out there. As previously stated, this has been planned out from the beginning. **

**DISCLAIMER: It's 9 p.m. on a Thursday night. Do you know who owns Grey's Anatomy? Not Doc.

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**

She should've just hit the 'test' button on her pager and been done with it. She could've made a break for it. She could've left Mark wondering. She _could_ have, but she wouldn't. She was Meredith, and he was Mark. He was Mark Sloan, who kept her sane and safe after Derek left. He deserved to know, right? Besides, knowing Cristina, she'd already gotten the answer out of George. And if Cristina passed that information onto Izzie, who passed it on to Alex, who potentially confirmed it with Addison, well, the entire hospital would know in a matter of hours anyway. 

"I have an answer. I don't know if it's the one you want to hear." Her voice came out softly, her gaze had drifted from Mark to the patient and her parents. They seemed happy. She wondered if she'd ever be like that someday, with her own kid.

"I wanna hear it, whatever it is," Mark assured her, arms crossed as he awaited her answer. Really, she thought she didn't need to say it. He could probably tell just by making eye contact with her just what was going on. But for it to be true, really true, she had to say it.

"The baby's Derek's." Mark sighed heavily, though he nodded all the same. "Do you hate me?"

He gave a reluctant sort of smile, as if he couldn't control his own grin. "Wouldn't be able to even if I wanted to." Mark took a step back, allowing Meredith to pass him. She slid out of the room and stood opposite him, gaze still averted to the floor. "But, you realize this thing, you and me, we're done."

"Done," Meredith echoed, somewhat surprised. She's been prepared for him to yell, and he had a right to yell, even if she couldn't exactly control her own fertility. She actually thought Mark would yell. She was prepared for him to accept it, and he had, but she hadn't bargained for this. It was either 'I hate you and we're done' or 'Okay'. She hadn't realized there was an in-between answer. "We're done?"

Mark nodded slowly. "I just need some time. It's all a little hard to digest." He paused, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe you and McDreamy were meant for each other after all. The Dirty Mistress never wins." He shot her his grin again, to which she frowned slightly. She couldn't tell if he was joking or not. Usually, he'd confirm a joke with a kiss. Apparently that part of this relationship was over.

"Yeah." Meredith pulled her gaze up again. "You know where I could find Derek?" She winced slightly at the small flare in Mark's eyes, but it died as soon as it had appeared. Though he was hurting, and she could tell he was, he seemed somewhat sympathetic. Why?

"Meredith..."

"Yeah?" She tilted her head slightly to the side. He fell silent. It was Mark's turn to count floor tiles. "Mark."

"Derek left for New York an hour ago." Meredith stared at him. Mark stared back. He was serious. It would've made sense. Derek had only come back here for a consult, and as Liz Lioness seemed to be recovering nicely, he could leave whenever he wanted. But after what Meredith had told him last night, he was the father of her baby, damn it! He should've at least stuck around to see if it was his or not.

"He left." Again. "He's gone." Again. "And I'm pregnant with his baby." A- well, that was a first. "Mark-" whatever thought Meredith had been trying to string together died off when his beeper rang out shrill and loud. Mark shot her an apologetic frown.

"Life of a surgeon," he muttered turning and heading down the hallway. He did pause to glance over his shoulder, however. "You gonna be okay?"

"Probably not."

"He did _what_?"

They really needed to find a new meeting place. Sitting around in a bathroom - admittedly it was a hospital, so how dirt could it be?- was kind of disgusting. But it was the only place the three of them could slip away with the assurance that Alex or George wouldn't walk in.

"You told him he might be the father and he told you to have an answer by tomorrow." Izzie confirmed, perched upon the counter near the sinks. "And it's tomorrow now. Ass."

"_Ass_," Cristina echoed in agreement. "Some things never change. Right Meredith?" Silence. Cristina and Izzie exchanged glances. Meredith had been in that stall for fifteen minutes now. No one took that long in this bathroom if they could help it. "Meredith?"

"Oh, God," Izzie whispered in realization.

"What?" Cristina hissed. Izzie shook her head and hopped down from the sink, moving toward the stall again. She knocked lightly, receiving a cross between a hiccup and a sob that she thought was supposed to mean 'I'm fine'.

"You are not fine. You're _so_ not fine." Izzie had already situated herself in the stall alongside the occupied one, one foot on the toilet.

Cristina arched a brow. "You should come out now, Mere. Izzie's preparing to come in after you again." Meredith gave a snort of annoyance before flinging the door of her stall open. Izzie dropped back to earth, Cristina leaned her back against the door. Meredith looked like shit, but that was to be expected, considering the circumstances. She was sitting on the floor of her stall, head buried in her arms.

"Meredith, look at me." Cristina cast Izzie a glance. She sounded deadly serious. Meredith had apparently noticed this, too, for she peered out from her barricade to meet Izzie's gaze. "Derek isn't still McDreamy. Is he?"

Cristina let out an annoyed "Come on, Izzie." She sighed heavily. "That ship has sailed. Right, Meredith?" It was the hesitation more then the squeaky answer of 'no' that gave it away. Meredith had promised herself that Derek Shepherd wouldn't hurt her again. Well, here she was, broken on the bathroom floor again, because of him.

"Oh, no. He _is_ still McDreamy!" Cristina seemed stunned. She let out a long string of curses.

Meredith shot her a grim smile. "Some things never change." Izzie had opened her mouth to respond, bu her eyes narrowed slightly. There was the distinct sound of muttering coming from the other side of the door. Those were very familiar voices.

"Don't mind me," she murmured edging toward the door. "You guys just continue this little best friend moment. I have something to take care of..." Sure enough, when Izzie flung the door open, Alex was standing there attempting to look like he was just walking through, but George sprawled on the floor from the force of the door being opened confirmed her suspicions that they had been eavesdropping. Izzie closed the door behind her, but her irritated yelling could still be heard from the other side.

"So," Cristina stated slowly. "You're really doing this."

"Doing what?" Meredith choked, finally mustering up the will to get to her feet. She moved to the mirror, took one glance, and laughed. Yep, she looked roughly the same as the first time Derek had left. And the second. Her makeup was running, cheeks tear stained, hair falling out of its ponytail, and her eyes were still red from crying. To top that off, she was getting fat. Again, that was to be expected. But that just added to the goodness of this day.

Cristina mimed a pregnant belly. "Being pregnant. Having a _baby_." She had to stop herself from saying 'McBaby'. This time, it was actually true. "You don't have to do this, you know. I mean, it's hard enough raising a kid with our kind of job. And without a father-"

"Yeah, this kid might end up just like me," Meredith murmured thoughtfully, again finding that her hand had found its way to her stomach. There were obviously consequences to having this baby. There was the entire daddy issue, but after seeing those pictures -the Ultrasound- and talking to Addison, she knew she couldn't go through with that. She was having this baby, whether Derek wanted to be a part of it or not. Though as much as she hated to admit it, Meredith _really_ wished Derek did care. "I'm really doing this."

Cristina sighed heavily. "You know, having a man's baby even though he doesn't want anything to do with it isn't the best form of rebellion..."

GA

Why did she do this to herself? More importantly, why did she even care? He'd hurt her enough times for her to be able to give you the date, time, and tone of voice he was going to use when leaving. This time, though, Derek hadn't exactly left her with much information. Somehow, almost every other member of the hospital staff had figured out that Derek had left. How? She didn't know.

That's why she was sitting in the locker room, obviously in the mood for tequila. Meredith glared at her stomach. But that wasn't exactly an option this time. Hell, sex with Mark wasn't an option this time. Mark wasn't even an option this time. Meredith had the sneaking suspicion that, even though he hadn't said anything, Mark was angry. He had avoided her all day now.

"Grey, what do you think you're doing?" She was slumped behind a bench, leaning against her locker. Bailey had just entered the room, probably for one of her stash of chocolate bars. Meredith had seriously considered stealing one of them earlier. Stupid food cravings.

Meredith barely looked up. "Being pregnant," she answered dully. She half expected Bailey to back off, since she had gone through it and all. Who was she kidding? This was the _Nazi_.

Bailey eyed the intern steadily, barely a flash of compassion flicking through her gaze. Hands on hips, the resident stared Meredith down. The intern decided it was safest to look at her shoes. "Do you remember when I was eight months pregnant and waddling around this hospital? And I turned out fine, didn't I?" Meredith thought of mentioning the labor and delivery incident, but didn't exactly feel like dying today, so she kept silent. "You're strong, Grey. You'll get through this."

Meredith glanced up. Bailey was glaring at her, the usual glare that meant get your ass moving. The intern groaned, dragging herself to her feet and stretching her arms over her head. "Did you need something, Doctor Bailey?"

The Resident grinned slightly, shrugging as she exited the room. "Not really. Cristina didn't think I'd be able to get your ass up. Turns out she was wrong." Meredith shook her head. She knew Cristina only said that to get Bailey to get her up. And she had the sneaking suspicion that Bailey knew that, too.

"Well, what should I do. You told me that hormonal people shouldn't hold scalpels unless trained by someone else." Meredith paused, a hopeful tone entering her voice. "Think I could just go home and sleep? I'm not much use here anyway." Doctor Bailey wheeled around.

"No," she stated firmly. "Since when does anyone leave this hospital just for a little pain? People come here because of pain." Bailey turned and continued down the hallway, leaving a bemused Meredith in her wake. "That little girl in room 311 was asking for you earlier, though. Maybe you should check that out."

Meredith grinned in spite of herself. Maybe she wasn't as easily forgotten as she'd previously thought.

Ten minutes later, Meredith had arrived at Liz Lioness's room. The little girl was sitting in her bed, straight up, staring expectantly at the door. "You came back," the patient stated happily. Her tone then took on a more serious nature. "I thought you weren't gonna come see me anymore."

"What gave you that idea?" Meredith murmured as she entered the room and stood in front of the hospital bed. It was kind of strange, Meredith realized, to look at this seven year old girl in this huge hospital bed. It was totally out of proportion.

"I dunno." Liz looked thoughtful. Meredith noticed she was staring at her stomach.

"Honey, what're you looking at?"

Liz giggled slightly, stealing a glance out the window. "I heard some of the nurses talking. Are you having a baby?" Meredith's eyes widened slightly, but then returned to normal. Addison was often in the pediatric wing. It was only common sense to know that the news would have spread here, too.

"Yep, I am."

The little girl grinned at her. "Who's the daddy? I bet it's Doctor Derek or Doctor Mark." Meredith blinked. Was she really that obvious? "They look like they like you enough."

Meredith shook her head slightly, and Liz frowned. "The daddy's Derek. Doctor Derek." That was kind of weird, she decided. "But he left. So I guess the baby's just going to have a mom." She found herself sighing in spite of herself. This was irritating, she decided. A baby was supposed to be a happy occasion, and here it was making her depressed about relationships past.

Liz gave her wide smile before dropping her voice in its serious tone again. "You'll be a good mommy, Meredith." Good. At least somebody thought so, somebody besides Izzie anyway. The little girl was staring at her stomach again, and Meredith couldn't help but smile.

"Here," the intern sat at the edge of the bed, and Liz tilted her head in question. Meredith patted the seat next to her, and the little girl scrambled over. "Put your hand here." She took Liz's hand and placed it just at her bellybutton. "That's where the baby is."

Liz's face had screwed up in concentration. "I can't hear him." Meredith chuckled lightly, both at the little girl's statement and the fact that she'd called her baby 'him'. It was too early to tell, obviously, but calling the baby 'it' was stupid, not to mention disrespectful.

"The baby's probably just sleeping. Trust me, he's in there." They both fell silent, Liz probably trying to hear a heartbeat or distinguish some sort of sound. Meredith was reflecting on the chaos of her last two days. Two days ago, life had seemed so simple. Now, she was pregnant. She was pregnant with Derek's baby, and he was across the country. Plus, Mark was avoiding her and the entire hospital knew of her situation. Just another day in the life of Meredith Grey.

Her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten anything since those cookies she'd had for breakfast. Liz nearly jumped at the sound, pulling her hand away. "Meredith," she whispered, "The baby's hungry."

Meredith laughed again, getting to her feet and patting Liz's pillow. The little girl flopped back onto the bed, and Meredith covered her up. "Where are your parents?" The little girl shrugged.

"Eating." It seemed kind of strange to leave a little kid alone like this. Meredith thought she'd just stay until her parents got back, and then go find some food. She was starving, and apparently, so was the baby. Mr. and Mrs. Daniels walked in a moment later, and Meredith scooted out. She headed for the cafeteria at first, but remembering yesterday's incident (and that had been _before_ the big daddy reveal), she changed her route. Meredith wasn't even sure where she was going until she appeared down in the tunnels, at one of the vending machines.

"'bout time you showed up," Alex muttered in a semi-annoyed tone, flinging a bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies at her. Meredith stared at them with an eyebrow arched before gravitating over and flopping down on the stretcher next to him. "Izzie made 'em, not me." With the confirmation that they weren't poison, she practically inhaled a cookie.

"Where is everybody?" Meredith asked between chews. Alex's eyes narrowed.

"Surgery, where else?" He shook his head slowly. "Yang's in with Burke, O'Malley talked his way into Bailey's surgery, and Izzie ended up with Addison." Alex paused, turning his attention to Meredith again. "Sloan was really pissed off today. He just told me to go away. So I did." He smirked lightly, as if thanking her for pissing him off. At least he hadn't had to go around running errands for him today.

"You've been down here all day?"

"Most of the day. I was trying to listen to your conversation outside of the bathroom earlier, but that didn't work out so well." Alex frowned, leaning his head back against the wall and staring at her. She'd already eaten the entire bag of cookies. "Hey, are you okay?"

Meredith shrugged. "Okay as I can be, I guess."

"No, really." This was one of those rare moments when Alex seemed human. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Eventually," Meredith answered slowly. "I'm not exactly okay right now, especially since I can't go sleep with inappropriate men _or_ drink tequila." She turned so she was facing him, legs drawn up on the gurney and sitting Indian style. "This might sound really stupid, but I thought that maybe, since I had a part of him with me now, Derek might actually stay. It might have been bribery in some way, but at least he'd be around." Meredith paused, chancing a glance at Alex. He was staring at her as if she was insane. "I wouldn't have admitted this two days ago, but I really did miss him, and then he was back."

"But now he's gone again. That's just how he is." Meredith nodded.

"Told you it was stupid."

Alex shook his head. "It's not stupid." Meredith let out a sarcastic laugh. "Seriously. You loved him, and that feeling doesn't just go away because he does. People do stupid things when they're in love." Alex shrugged again. "It's like love makes our programming go all screwy. It's not like you can help it."

She nodded. "That's true."

"But don't worry about it. Any guy who's stupid enough to leave you doesn't deserve you anyway." Meredith looked up at him. He was being completely serious. "What? Can't a guy express his feelings once in a while?"

"God, Alex, the gynie-squad really got to you, didn't it?" Meredith laughed. Alex threw an empty coffee thermos at her. She caught it. "Thanks. Really."

He stretched his arms over his head. "No problem. It's what friends do." If that was true, maybe Meredith preferred friends over love any day.

But still, love was lingering in the back of her mind. Damn human emotions.


	7. Chapter 7: FINE

**Doc's Note: I've come to the conclusion that I suck at updating on weekends. Sorry about that, but I was busy. I should be studying now, but I felt a writing muse, so here you go. The next few chapters will jump ahead in time a bit, so be prepared for that. Other then that, enjoy. **

**DISCLAIMER: Shonda owns Grey's. My name is Doc. Therefore, Doc does not own Grey's.

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**

It had been a long three months. Nothing had changed, really. There was work, there was the usual after-work get together at Joe's (though she was partial to Shirley Temples now), there was the fact that Mark was ignoring her. Or maybe she was ignoring him. Meredith had lost track. The only real difference in going from six weeks pregnant to four and a half months was the fact that she was having food aversions. She used to love strawberry ice cream but now? She wouldn't touch it. It was strange, but according to Izzie -when the hell did Izzie become the expert on pregnancy anyway?- that was normal. 

Oh, yeah, and there was the whole getting fatter thing, too. But Meredith knew _that_ part was normal. Anything else and she needed consulting. Izzie was apparently very interested in that stupid pregnancy book she'd been reading four nearly five months, but Meredith actually preferred her meetings with Addison. At least that way, there was no teasing slipped in with it.

Besides, she kind of liked seeing the baby growing. Most of the time, they just talked. But today Meredith was scheduled for another ultrasound. With development, they would now be able to see the baby clearly. Of course, Meredith just wanted to see the baby again. The only excuse she really had was knowing if the baby was a boy or a girl, just to begin narrowing down names. Yeah, that was why she wanted to see.

She entered the pediatric wing of the hospital and took a left, stopping at the nurses' station to confirm her appointment. Again, Meredith was very aware of the stares coming her way, but by now she'd really gotten used to it. She nearly groaned when she was told to sit in the waiting room. As a doctor, that was the last thing you wanted to hear. Waiting sucked.

"Hey," Alex murmured as he breezed by. Meredith tilted her head slightly, leaning back against the desk. "Don't say it," he muttered dully, predicting the gynie-squad comments before they even escaped her mouth. "At least with Montgomery, I get to practice medicine. With Sloan, I only fetch coffee."

Meredith shrugged. "I was only going to ask what you were doing here."

"Working," he responded quickly. Meredith arched a brow. "What else would I be doing here?" Alex snatched a chart from a passing nurse and examined it, frowning and nodding. "Look, I've got a patient I need to see. I think Addison's in the second on-call room if you need her." Alex mouthed a 'damn' and hurried away, obviously slightly flustered.

Meredith shook her head slowly, eyeing the second door on the left through narrowed eyes. She wasn't quite sure she wanted to go in there right now, and besides, she was the patient today. Patients waited. She didn't know how they could stand it, just sitting there, waiting. But just as Meredith flopped unceremoniously into one of the leather seats, Addison appeared in the very doorway Alex had spoken of.

"Ah, Doctor Grey," she murmured, peering at Meredith through her glasses. "Follow me."

Meredith got to her feet, arms wrapped around her body as she tailed the neonatal surgeon. "Addison," she muttered, nearly ramming into her when she stopped walking abruptly. "Do we really need to do this weird, doctor/patient thing? Seriously, it's not like this is the first time we've done this..."

"Yeah, it's just public appearance," Addison replied with a wave of her hand. They entered the room, and Addison set up the machine. Meredith had already flopped onto the bed, looking expectantly at her doctor. "Would you look at that," Addison stated with a grin, gaze wandering to Meredith, who'd already pulled her shirt up to reveal the mound on her stomach. "Meredith Grey can gain weight! Amazing."

"Ha-ha," Meredith responded easily. "This is normal, though, right? I'm not just getting fat because I'm overeating, because I am overeating. But I'm eating for two, so that's okay. Right?" Addison gave a low chuckle. First time mothers were always amusing, but Meredith? She was hilarious.

"It's perfectly normal. There's a person inside you, taking parts of all of your nutrients, remember." Addison flipped a few switches and turned a few knobs before applying the gel to the end of the transducter. "Let's get a picture..."

Meredith winced. "That's cold. Why is it always cold?"

"Sorry. Anyway, hold on..." There was a moment's pause, and then a picture appeared on screen. Meredith felt herself smiling again, watching as the baby moved slightly -and groaning when she felt it. "She's kicking now, huh?"

"Yeah, she's-" Meredith trailed off slightly, gaze drifting back from the screen to stare blankly at Addison. "_She_? She's kicking?"

Addison nodded slightly, moving the tranducter about to get a better look at the baby's heartbeat. "Yeah, it's a girl. Start narrowing down those baby names, Meredith. She's no Michael." Or Derek, Meredith mused. Not that she had been planning on naming the baby after him anyway. It was just kind of nice to think that the baby might end up more like her. Derek hadn't called since he left, or come back, so she suspected he simply didn't care. Or whatever.

What was annoying about that was, it still hurt. But looking at that baby, her baby girl, the pangs of sadness seemed to melt away. "Heartbeat's steady. Oh boy..." The baby kicked again. "What've you been eating, Meredith? She seems to like it."

Meredith gave a small smile, gaze drifting to the monitor once more. "Izzie made it. I don't know." Her eyes found its way to the screen again, and they fell into a steady silence. Addison was checking her amniotic fluid, nodding every so often. The majority of this visit was focused on the baby's organ function, which Addison would document and relay to Meredith.

There was a long silence, but not the comfortable sort of silence that Meredith had become accustomed with when talking to Addison. This was the kind of quiet a doctor gave a patient when something was wrong. Was something wrong? "Addison," she murmured cautiously, drawing the surgeon's gaze away from the monitor. "Is something wrong?"

She nodded, and then shook her head. "Nothing's wrong. The baby's heartbeat jumped for a minute there, but it's back to normal now." Still, Meredith noticed Addison making a note of this in her case file. "She's doing well, Meredith. Really well."

Meredith gave a dreamy sort of smile when the monitor was shut down. She leaned back against the pillows, tapping her stomach slightly. "This is so unreal. I'm going to have a baby, a daughter."

"Yes, you are."

Meredith frowned. Addison had been clearing away the equipment and not noticed it, but there was a definite drop in her voice that alerted her to this. "And my baby's not going to have a father, just like me. Oh, God, Addison, I do not want this baby to end up just like me." The last thing the world needed was another Meredith Grey.

Addison sighed heavily, moving backward on her wheeled chair to stare over at Meredith. "Look, you weren't the only one to make this life. Derek's DNA's in there, too." The redhead paused, removing her glasses and cleaning them casually, a grin crossing her lips. "But, really, the world doesn't need another Derek Shepherd. I'd much rather have another Meredith Grey running around here. Much more amusing."

"Okay, I'm leaving now." Meredith gave a somewhat irritated sort of laugh, pulling her shirt down and moving to stand. This thing, this friendship with Addison, it was nice, she decided. It was much better then when they used to fight for the same thing, even if it had all spawned from that very man they'd both wanted. Now, it seemed, neither of them wanted him.

Or at least only one of them did. Meredith eyed Addison carefully as she edged toward the door. Doctor Montgomery certainly seemed like she'd moved on. Why couldn't Meredith? The baby kicked again, and she grimaced. Oh yeah, she remembered. That was why she couldn't just let it go.

GA

"Don't go around getting punched in the eye again, alright?" Meredith had been walking down the pediatric wing slowly, almost cautiously. She'd heard he'd been seen around here today, but thought it was simply nurse gossip. After all, Mark was rarely seen in Pediatrics; four year olds generally didn't care if they had a lasting scar, as long as it was cool. Meredith paused outside the patient's room, leaning against the doorframe. The laugh did it for her, that was definitely Mark.

But the question still remained unanswered. Why was he up here in the first place? "Doctor Mark," the little boy stated slowly, "You made it so it won't be all purple anymore?"

"Yeah, sorry about that." Mark sounded generally annoyed. "I know it looked cool, but the swelling was kinda blocking your eyesight. But you should still get a nice scar from the stitching. That's good, right?" There was a murmur of agreement and then a high-pitched chuckle.

"You got a scar, too." Meredith knew it well, the thin line running along his cheek. It was the same one Derek had given him, the one he'd sutured himself. She could almost see him grinning proudly, despite the fact that his back was turned to her.

"Yeah. And you know what?" Mark was whispering now. "The girls really dig scars. Ask anyone."

The small boy gave a disgusted groan. "Girls have cooties!"

Mark sighed slightly. How easy life used to be. "All right, pal, I'll come in and check on you later, okay?" From what Meredith could gather, the patient had nodded. She pushed off from the doorway and gravitated into the hallway, slowly making her way down the hallway. The last thing she needed was Mark thinking she was stalking her.

"I saw you, you know." She gritted her teeth lightly at his amused tone. "I know I'm pretty to look at and all, but really, Meredith. You could always just make an appointment." Meredith turned, torn between hating the smirk on his face and missing it.

"I did have an appointment." She noted the suggestive grin cross his face, but vanish quickly. "Not with you," Meredith clarified hurriedly. "With Addison." Mark's expression changed, first briefly to irritated, but then faded back to curiosity, gaze landing on her stomach.

"Oh, yeah. How's that treating ya?" Meredith shot him a glare. "That good, eh? How is the little guy?" Mark was leaning against the wall, watching her carefully, as if her water might break at any moment.

"Girl," Meredith corrected in her usual correcting Mark tone, knowing he probably wouldn't notice right away. "Anyway, she's fine. But she's been kicking a lot lately, which is why I was-" she sighed slightly, wrapping her arms around her stomach and letting it pass. "-checking with Addison. To make sure everything was okay."

"And it was?" Meredith nodded. She turned to walk away, satisfied that they'd at least had a normal conversation. Maybe he wasn't mad at her anymore, maybe he'd never been mad, just surprised. She couldn't blame him, really. Mark eased off of the wall and fell into step alongside her. He noted they were heading in the general direction of the elevator.

"And what about you?" He murmured as the elevator door slid open. Meredith entered, staring at him from behind the closing doors.

"I'm..." She paused, considering her answer. "Fine." The doors were about to close, but Mark stuck his arm in the way, making them jolt wide open again. He was staring at her, that same, annoying yet somewhat charming stare he got when he knew more then you thought he did.

"Meredith," he stated dully, leaving his arm in the middle of the doorway to prevent the elevator from closing, "Look who you're talking to. It's Mark Sloan, the guy you were with for a month. More then that, if you count the affairs we were having. I know you, and I know you enough to know that whenever you say fine you're not fine." Mark paused, raising his eyebrows. "But then, I guess I'm not one of the people you tell about your not being fine anymore, am I?"

Meredith tilted her head slightly to one side, surveying him. She wasn't quite sure, but he seemed keen on knowing exactly what was going on, and because she knew him, because she trusted him, she wanted to tell him. But he was Mark Sloan. Then again, she'd fallen for Mark once. This time...well, she wasn't falling for him. She'd already done that. This, right now? This was just confiding in him. After all, if they couldn't have what they used to have, they could at least be friends. Right? But they were being civil. Did she really need to push it?

"I'm fine," she repeated numbly, now leaning against the back wall of the elevator, eyes jammed shut. Meredith was pleased to hear the sound of the elevator doors closing, and not so pleased to smell his cologne up close again. One eye snapped open, and Meredith gave a dull groan. "What are you doing?"

"I know you," Mark repeated, arms crossed over his chest as he surveyed her for a moment more. "I know when you're not fine. I also know if you really don't want to tell me, you won't." He flashed her a grin and moved toward the buttons, running his hand over all of them and making the elevator stop on every floor on the way down to the lobby; he knew her shift was over. "But we'll be here a while. So if you do decide you want to talk, I'll be here."

_Damn him_, Meredith thought, annoyed with Mark's pride at his own actions. They passed one floor, geriatrics, and no one entered. She let her gaze dart to him for a moment, and she mirrored his smirk. He took that as a sign, and arched a brow. When the door opened once more, she made to exit, startled when an ER intern with a patient on a stretcher appeared inside, pushing her nearly against the wall. Mark laughed, making her stomach churn.

Oh, wait, that was just the baby. "Ow," Meredith muttered under her breath, relieved when the intern and his patient were out of the elevator, but the baby was still kicking. She must have been wincing, because Mark stopped his laughing and appeared at her side.

"Hey, you okay?" She nodded numbly, and he groaned in irritation. "You are so not fine." Meredith opened her mouth to reply, but found she didn't really have the words to explain this. Instead, she took one of his hands in hers, and placed it over her stomach. Mark was about to speak when he felt the baby kick, and his eyes seemed to light up, darting from Meredith's stomach back up to her face. "The baby kicked."

Meredith nodded with a sigh. "She did. Again."

Mark recoiled his hand for a moment, frowning. "_She_? As in, it's a girl?"

"It's a girl," she confirmed, watching his expression go from confused to upset and back to amused in roughly three seconds. His hand was back on her stomach, and he laughed when the baby kicked again.

"She's strong. Just like her mother." Mark paused, catching Meredith's gaze. "Let's hope she's not as stubborn as her mother is. Seriously, how are you?" She should've known better then to meet his gaze. It always seemed to make her weak, just not normally in this way. This time, it made her want to tell him just what was going on. And, because he was Mark, she did.

"I'm fine. Really." Her voice was softer now, easy to coax into telling the truth. Mark simply had to stare at her to get her to agree. "I've just got this feeling, you know, one of Meredith Grey's famous feelings that always seem to come true, that this kid's going to end up just like me. Or Derek. And that would be weird. Besides, I don't want her to have the same childhood I had, with my mother always gone." She paused, choosing her words very, very carefully. "And I think I might actually miss him. Again."

The first time he'd left her, Meredith had spent a lot of time in her bedroom, wallowing in self pity. Every time he'd hurt her, there had been post-breakup binges on ice cream, and George and Izzie staying up with her all night telling her it would all be okay. How could they know that? Seriously. But last time, after she had literally told him she didn't love him anymore, she had Mark. Mark had made her feel better. She could tell by the look in his eyes he wanted to try that again.

"The kid's going to grow up around a bunch of doctors. You live with O'Malley and Stevens. You've got Yang and Karev. She'll never be alone. She's going to have a huge family. I mean the whole hospital's going to be in on it." Mark paused, looking thoughtful. "And would it be such a bad thing if she ended up like you? I can personally guarantee that no woman can pull off a Derek."

Meredith was suddenly aware of how close he was standing, and that his hand was still on her stomach, running his fingertips along her abdomen under her shirt. "About missing him, I can't make that stop hurting. I can only tell you that, eventually, it'll go away." Mark leaned in close, pressing his lips to hers. It startled her at first, but it didn't feel much different then it had four and a half months ago. There was the distinct sense of longing there, that they'd both been missing each other in a way.

Just as she began to ease into it, the doors of the elevator jolted open, and Mark pulled away, looking sorry. For what, she couldn't exactly tell. "Sorry, Meredith, but the kid from before, Chance, he wanted me to stop by again. So I better go." He slipped out of the elevator at least five floors from the Pediatric Wing, leaving behind a very bemused Meredith.

As if her life wasn't screwed up enough, she was kissing in elevators. Again.


	8. Chapter 8: As the World Turns

**Doc Note: Okay, so I know I haven't updated in almost a month. Life finally decided to catch up with me, and I've been going through a pretty rough time. But my English teacher told me to channel the bad feelings into writing, and I might be surprised. If this chapter sucks, blame my 'you can do anything you set your mind to!' English teacher.**

**DISCLAIMER: Doc doesn't even own that quote in the note. She also doesn't even own Grey's Anatomy.

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**

"So, you and Mark?" 

"Mer and Mark? Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"I thought he was-"

"He's over it."

It was funny, Meredith mused as she stole half of George's sandwich, that conversation could start between her and another person and slowly evolve to that they were talking around her and not directly to her. Her friends were still in that phase where nothing else in the hospital excited them, so they gossiped about Meredith's life, even while she was sitting right there.

"They kissed in the elevator."

"Again?"

"_You kissed in an elevator?_"

It took her a moment to realize that she had been invited back into the conversation. Meredith swallowed hard, shrugging lightly as she leaned back against the wall. "Don't worry, George. It's not like I can go have sex right now..." She sat Indian style on a gurney, the others positioned around the tunnel at various points. Alex was off somewhere trying to find more food. George was in a wheelchair. Cristina was sprawled out on another gurney, a textbook in hand. And Izzie was leaning against Meredith's gurney with a book. Not the pregnancy book. Another one. Of baby names.

"What do you think of Kendall?" Izzie asked in a serious tone, her gaze peeking over the book. Cristina didn't bother to put her own book down, but spoke anyway.

"Who's Kendall? Never heard of her. Must not be a well-known hospital face." She paused, marking the page she'd been reading from and closing the book. Cristina eyed Izzie cautiously before rolling her eyes lightly. "Seriously, Izzie, if you want hospital gossip go talk to one of the nurses. This Kendall person probably doesn't even work on the surgical floor..."

"Not a person," Izzie answered offhandedly, leafing through the baby name book once more, "As a name for the baby." Meredith stared blankly at Izzie for a moment, wondering something. She hadn't really thought of what she would name the baby when the time came. After all, that was nearly three and a half months away from now. Still, she hadn't read one of those 'naming your baby' books in her life, but she could've sworn Izzie had read at least three of them in the past week.

"I think a name defines a person," Cristina responded indirectly to the question while surveying Izzie. "I mean, if your name was 'Barbie', I wouldn't give you a second glance as a surgeon. The name has to mean something, and it can't be some sort of label. It _defines_ them." Hearing that serious answer from Cristina, Meredith figured she should probably start researching some names before her kid ended up another Sally.

"I was named after my grandfather," George stated suddenly, making the three turn and stare at him. "Some people are named after relatives. If that helps at all."

Izzie nodded slowly. "Some people are named after cities. I knew a Dallas once."

"Some people are named because the name _defines_ them.. 'Cristina Yang, M.D.' If that doesn't define me, I don't know what does."

Meredith opened her mouth to respond, slightly started when the alarm on her wristwatch went off. Technically, she was off-duty, but she was still hanging around the hospital. First of all, her friends were there, and she really didn't want to go back to an empty house and secondly, she had a childbirth class to get to. It was Addison's idea, not hers. And Izzie agreed with Addison, and getting your roommate to back down was much harder then getting your doctor to back down. "I gotta go..."

"Have fun, Mer," Cristina called with a dull wave, flopping back onto her gurney and cracking her book back open.

"You know, normally someone goes with a mother to these things," George murmured slowly, cautiously. Meredith was already halfway down the tunnel. "You sure you don't want someone to go with you? It's kinda hard to practice birthing a child without someone's fingers to break..."

Meredith looked over her shoulder. George looked like he was about to jump up and tag along after her, and while she found his loyalty adorable, she really didn't want him coaching her to breathe properly, even if Doctor Bailey had insisted he was a wonderful birthing coach. "I'll be fine, George. Thanks, though."

"What about Regan?" Meredith did her best to ignore Izzie's millionth name suggestion, but found herself slightly amused when Cristina told her to just eat the book, and relay all the names to Meredith afterward.

Ten minutes later, Meredith found herself in a very colorful room in the pediatric wing of the hospital. It was a large room, the plastered with colors and various baby animals in varying shades of blue and pink. The floor was carpeted, and pillows and yoga mats were scattered about. About a dozen other pregnant women -a few quite farther along then Meredith was- were gathered there. All of them had their husbands, or at least if they weren't husbands, the father of their children, with them. And suddenly, alone on her yoga mat in the corner, Meredith understood what George had meant. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wished she'd let him come with her. This was...awkward.

The instructor called for quiet and Meredith was relieved to hear the chattering of mothers and fathers to be die down. She turned her attention to the woman at the front of the room, who was explaining something about breathing methods. Meredith allowed her mind to wander for a while, until she noticed that the skinny blonde instructor was staring right at her. Meredith rubbed her neck absently before offering a sheepish sort of smile. "Sorry. Did you say something?"

"I was just wondering why you were all alone back here..."

Meredith gave a soft chuckle as she rested an elbow on her knee and looked up at the instructor. "I don't really want to be here. My friends made me come."

The young girl tilted her head slightly to one side. "You mean your doctor recommended you came?" Meredith shrugged.

"My friends are both doctors. One's my OB. The other one's just obsessive about my pregnancy." Meredith drummed her fingers against her abdomen lightly, knowing very well the instructor was giving her special attention because she was alone and helpless without a man beside her. "You know, I'm a doctor too..." And that was basically the only thing Meredith could've said to get that instructor moving again. After a hurried mutter of an excuse, she was back at the front of the room, describing some sort of relaxation technique because pregnant women were just so stressed out all the time.

Meredith nearly snorted. Try being pregnant and being a surgical intern at the same time. Now _that's_ stressful. Anyway, as she was sitting on a yoga mat trying to relax, and honestly, when you're told to relax is kind of hard to do so, Meredith let her mind wander. And when her mind wandered it generally went one of two places: the hospital, or men. And since Derek was thousands of miles away and because her relationship with Mark had now resorted back to square one, she was forced to think about work.

What surgeries were taking place? What were her friends doing? As Meredith's thoughts drifted, so did her gaze. And since this was one of the many rooms in the hospital with those weird, see-through windows in the middle of the wall, she could look out to see who was looking in. Was Mark standing out there? Was he staring at her? Wait a minute. Why was _Mark_ looking in here in the first place?

She knew she was supposed to be listening to yet another lecture on not over-working yourself and how you were supposed to rest a lot during pregnancy, but Meredith had heard these things constantly from Izzie. And George. Addison never told her those things, just that even Bailey took leave when the time came. But it wasn't that time yet. It probably wasn't even time for her to be practicing breathing techniques. Then again, it probably wasn't the time to stare blankly at the hot Plastic Surgeon from behind a glass window.

When Meredith stole another glance out the window, she found Mark was gone. And, slightly annoyed that she even felt disappointed, she felt her stomach drop an inch or two. Even for only a moment, it felt like someone besides her merry band of intern buddies cared about her. She leaned back on the prospect of doing a bit of deep breathing, somewhat started to see him hovering over her with a curious expression on his face.

"Mark," Meredith stated just a bit too quickly. She closed her eyes, wishing he wouldn't say he knew she was looking. But he was Mark, and she was Meredith. They both knew she had looked. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He offered her that grin of his, the one that still sent a small jolt up her spine. Meredith eyed Mark cautiously as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it on a nearby hook. "You're a doctor. I'm pretty sure you know how the childbirth thing works."

"Yeah," Meredith mused, frowning slightly. "But it's not as if I've ever done it myself. This is my first time."

Mark offered a playful smirk. "You might wanna clarify that this is your first time having a kid. I know for a fact you weren't a virgin when you met Derek. I Remember Russell." Meredith had opened her mouth to defend herself against her 'first time' story, but struggled to find the words she was looking for when Mark flopped to the ground behind her, adjusting himself so Meredith could lean back against him.

"_Now_ what are you doing?"

He shrugged. "You looked lonely," Mark stated bluntly, pulling Meredith back so her head rested on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, not beating rapidly like she knew hers was, but it was far from normal. It was kind of funny, she thought, that little old Meredith Grey could make _the_ Mark Sloan's heart speed up. He noticed her grinning in spite of herself and he tugged at her hair a bit, making her frown. "Shut up. You're supposed to be breathing, aren't you?"

Meredith frowned, torn between complying with him because he was Mark, and telling him off for the same reason. "You're not my birthing coach," she murmured between his counting. For a Plastic Surgeon, he was pretty good with the whole comforting thing. He even let her hold his hand, which as she was practically crushing his hand just to make the experience seem more real, was actually sweet of him.

"Who says I can't be? Not like you got a big strong man around to do it for you." Mark glanced about as if expecting Derek to waltz into the room at any given moment. "Actually, come to think of it, you do. You got me, at least until you figure out what the hell you're doing."

Meredith frowned. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. I'm quite the handful." The moment she'd said it she knew she'd regret it. Mark was grinning down at her, but she refused to look him in the eye. Because if she looked him in the eye, she'd smile back. And Mark loved her smile. And the last thing she needed was to make out in the birthing class room, though she had to admit she'd never heard of anyone doing _that_.

"I know you're a handful, but you're _my_ handful." Mark gave a dull chuckle. "If you weren't a handful, you wouldn't be Meredith Grey, and I wouldn't be here. And that would be a tragedy." Between his words he was still whispering his steady counting, to which she'd breath on cue between her own speaking.

"I'm your handful," Meredith answered skeptically. "So what does that make you to me?" His counting faded as he thought over his answer. Her breathing had faded off, though she could feel her heartbeat a bit quicker in her chest then it should have been.

"I'm your constant. I'll always be around, whatever you need. Birthing coach, sex, someone to talk to, I'll be there." Mark paused, moving on to the next exercise. Meredith could almost see the amused glint in Mark's eye, though she hadn't turned back to look. Apparently, pregnant women were very tense. A nice massage was just what they needed. Mark began rubbing her shoulders in soft circles, leaning forward so his mouth was very close to her ear. "I'm also a wonderful masseuse."

She probably should've slapped him for that, but he was just being Mark. And she, just being Meredith, rotated her head slightly and kissed him, in the middle of a childbirth class, because he was there for her.

GA

She didn't really know why she was here. All Meredith knew was that she needed to get away from the hospital for a while, get away from Izzie and her obsessive baby naming, and George and his cautious sort of interrogation. What Meredith really needed was some tequila, or Mark to be there. But as she was pregnant and Mark was on-call tonight, she decided what she really needed was to be alone. And a nice long drive seemed like just the thing to spark some quality alone time.

Except Meredith Grey didn't really like being alone. It felt like she was abandoned, and besides, considering her situation, she had been abandoned, even if she had abandoned him first. Derek had left, even though he knew he could potentially be the father of her child. And she still missed him in the back of her mind, and that bothered her. Mark was there, and he was being sweet in his own Mark Sloan way, and she still really cared about Mark.

But the thing was, when you have another life growing inside you, you end up very emotional. And then you begin to think. 'What about the person who helped me make this life?' That was one of Meredith's biggest fears, that this baby would look like Derek and remind her of him every day of her life. And while she wanted this baby, she didn't want to deal with that. It might just be too much to handle.

That was probably why she ended up here in the first place. When she'd first show up, Meredith was slightly surprised that she would even think of coming here. But this was where he lived, and as Derek was in New York, there was no chance of him walking in on her. But here, she could be alone and still think of him, because he was all around her.

Meredith had been curled up on the hammock for a while, but then it had started raining. It always rained in Seattle. Derek had hated the rain. So now, she was slumped under the awning of the trailer, clutching a bottle of flavored water and wishing she could drink tequila. Her gaze drifted about slowly, rotating about the land Derek owned. It all held memories, some good, some bad. He was in all of them.

Over there was the hammock he'd slept in every night they stayed here. She was still angry about that.

That was the path they'd walked Doc along, back when they shared a dog.

Near the water was the place he'd held her when she cried about the dog's death. Again.

Why was it that everything she looked at reminded her of Derek? Even at the hospital, there was no escape. There was the supply closet where he'd comforted her about her mother. There was the spot where she'd first found out about Addison. There was the exam room where they'd had dirty, post-prom sex. And, oh God, there was the on-call room where they'd potentially conceived the child she was currently carrying.

And right over there was where he parked his car when they got home late.

Meredith was somewhat startled when a pair of headlights appeared on the dirt road leading up to the trailer just as she'd been thinking about Derek's car. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, and took it out not bothering to look at the number. She knew who it was when she saw the headlights fade out, and got a good look at the car.

"Meredith?" Mark. He sounded slightly startled. "Derek's back."

She sighed slightly, looking up when the car door slammed shut. "I know..."


	9. Chapter 9: Everything You Want

**Doc Note: Well, call it inspiration or therapy, here's another chapter. I actually kind of like this one. Mhm.**

**DISCLAIMER: Doc doesn't even own her own house.

* * *

**

"What are you doing here?" Derek was framed directly in front of her now, leaning against the hood of his car. Despite the fact that yes, she'd come here to be alone she'd ended up remembering. And in her remembering, Meredith had wanted, briefly, for Derek to pull up in his car and be her knight in shining in whatever. She didn't think it would come true quite so literally. She spoke the question into her knees as she huddled there under his trailer's awning, shivering against the cold rain. Suddenly she wondered why she was asking that question in the first place; he did own this trailer. 

He shrugged, brushing sopping bangs from his eyes. Those electric blue eyes were so bright they pierced through the darkness and stared at her, through her even. Meredith shivered again, this time not from the cold. "I do live here, you know."

"Sometimes," Meredith corrected, teeth chattering slightly against her knees; she'd pulled her chin to her legs. "You live here sometimes." She closed her eyes in an effort at pushing the tears away. She didn't want him seeing her crying. But that was the good thing about crying in the rain. No one could tell if you were really crying, or if they were simply raindrops that had fallen from the sky. Meredith had the odd sort of feeling that Derek would know just what they were.

She heard him move from the car, but didn't bother to look. Meredith nearly jumped when she felt a sudden burst of warmth hit her body in the form of Derek Shepherd's jacket. He'd draped it over her shoulders before moving to unlock the door of the trailer. "Come on, Meredith," Derek muttered, holding the door open for her, "You shouldn't be out in the cold." She turned to stare blankly at him. He offered a disappointed frown at his own actions and tilted his head slightly to the side, "At least warm up and get some dry clothes. Please?"

Now, Meredith had all intentions of simply getting up and leaving because when she went into Derek's trailer, things happened. And Meredith really didn't need anymore things happening to her in her dark and twisty life right now. But he'd been polite, and said please, and his tone had held genuine concern. Of course, she would insist later that she only went inside because she was admittedly cold. "...Okay..."

Minutes later, she sat across from him at the small table they used to drink coffee at in the morning and talk about their lives. Meredith felt slightly awkward in one of his sweatshirts, which was huge on her, but the worst part was that it smelled like him. She'd remembered how he looked and how he sounded, but you couldn't recreate someone's distinct smell. She'd always loved Derek's smell.

Absently, Meredith grasped the mug of coffee in front of her with her hands, covered completely by the sleeves of the sweatshirt, but not bothering to take a sip. She was one of those people who just needed to do something with their hands all the time. She noticed most surgeons were like that. Derek had the habit of running his hands through his hair every few minutes back when they were together- oh, there he did it again.

He was the one to break the silence, not the comfortable silence Meredith knew so well with his ex-wife, but that awkward sort of silence when people weren't around each other for a long time. "So," Derek paused, groping for words as he tore his gaze from the tabletop, "How are you?" It was irritating and endearing at the same time that he sounded so concerned for her well being. For a brief moment, she wondered why.

"Fine," she answered automatically, forgetting that this was Derek and she was Meredith, and that he could see right through her words. "I'm...better," Meredith finally admitted, tracing a circle on the top of her coffee mug. "Or I was, but then you showed up." Her mouth shut instantly and her eyes darted open, meeting his gaze. She looked roughly like a deer in the headlights, though Derek was carefully avoiding her gaze. "I'm sorry. That was rude. I-"

"Don't worry about it," he waved it off with a sigh. "I left. I deserve a little rudeness." Meredith stared at him. Derek seemed...very much like the guy she'd met at the bar the day before her internship started. But she didn't seem at all like that girl, not anymore.

And yet, there he was. "The baby's doing well," she said brightly, as if she'd forgotten he was the father of her child. Then it hit her. Meredith spoke quietly, feebly. "It's...it's a girl." Derek glanced up briefly, and their eyes met. She could've sworn he looked like he knew. Did he know? Did Derek know he was the father? Was that why he was here?

"Derek," he glanced up, looking expectant. "Why are you here, really?" Derek paused, surveying her for a moment. Just like she knew he could see right through her words, he knew she could probably see right through him. They knew each other. It was inevitable.

"I'm here because the Chief offered me a job," he replied in an offhanded sort of tone. And while this wasn't quite the answer Meredith had been expecting, she knew it was true. Still, though, she had the odd feeling that he wasn't telling her the entire reason. He was staring at her again, though she didn't notice. She was too busy examining her fingernails.

"So, what are _you_ doing here?" He echoed, sounding somewhat amused. Meredith looked up, meeting his gaze. Derek took a long sip of coffee and shook his head furiously. That was an odd ritual he had, like doing so would circulate the caffeine to his blood faster. Meredith knew it well, and found herself chuckling slightly when he muttered something incoherent. "Trying to burn down my trailer?"

"No," Meredith muttered defensively, not bothering to mention that she had had the idea to cut the hammock down just because it annoyed her. "I just...needed to be alone. My friends, they're all obsessive about the baby or just being..._interns_. And I just needed to think for a minute." She shrugged, propping her chin on her upturned palm. "This place was bound to be quiet, what with the tenant out of town."

Derek nodded in understanding. "Internship can be difficult. I bet you didn't count on my turning up again." Meredith shook her head slowly. Of course she didn't, or else she never would have showed up. But somehow, she had come here on the very night Derek had showed up. Did that mean something? Was this fate? And what about Mark?

"And...you and Mark?" He said it softly, like speaking it made it true. Meredith arched a brow.

"We're..." What exactly were they? Together? Not together? She said it in the only way she knew how, without going all 'he's always there for me' on Derek. "Well, he's my birthing coach." Derek stared. She stared back. Then they both burst into simultaneous laughter.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously, he showed up in my childbirth class today!" And then Meredith frowned. Derek should have been the one following her around and helping her through pregnancy. The baby wasn't even Mark's, and yet he was being so good about it. That was exactly why she had been angry at Derek in the first place. He'd left before even knowing who was the father, and Mark knew who the father was, and he was still helping her out.

"The baby," Derek started, taking a breath before rubbing his temples. He looked tired. She wondered how long it had been since he'd slept. "Do you have any names in mind?"

Meredith rolled her eyes slightly. "Izzie's got a book. She's running them by me, but I haven't really thought about it." She finally gave in a took a long drawl from her coffee cup, surprised to find it was still warm. "Why?"

"Just wondered..." Derek had his arms crossed on the table. "I mean, do I get a say in this?" She must have given him a very confused stare, because he actually laughed, a real laugh, not the fake Derek laugh. "I am the father after all." So he did know. Meredith opened her mouth to respond before realizing something. Who told him?

"I don't know. Why do you care now? You didn't seem to care four months ago." Meredith fidgeted slightly, noticing he was reaching for one of her hands. She pulled them back. "Why the sudden change? Why are you _really_ here, Derek, I'm sure you could've found a job in New York. What brought you back to Seattle?"

She'd averted her eyes from his. He was staring right at her. "Because, I was stupid. I was stupid and afraid, because I thought the baby might be mine, but you hated me, so I thought it wouldn't matter even if it was mine. I thought..." Meredith nearly laughed at his assumption.

"You thought I'd get rid of it?" Derek looked defeated. "I wouldn't. And, for the record, I don't hate you. Didn't hate you." She didn't hate him now, either, but she sure as hell didn't love him either, not now.

"Meredith, listen." Derek sounded desperate. He never sounded vulnerable like this, so she stayed, and she listened. "Izzie called me. She was worried, said you'd been acting strange. She told me. That the baby was mine, I mean." He paused, looking to her for her reaction. Meredith was torn between wanting to kill Izzie and listening to Derek. Well, murder could wait. "I came back. For the baby, because I want to try and fix things. With us."

At one point in time, this would be perfect. But he'd only come back because Izzie had figured out how to contact him, and he was only trying to do the right thing because he was Derek Shepherd. And, after being friends with Addison Montgomery-formerly-Shepherd, her views had changed slightly. "Fix things? Like you tried to fix things with Addison? I'm really not interested in an unhappy rest of our lives, Derek."

Meredith stood to leave, but he grabbed her wrist. Again, she mentally cursed herself for shivering under his touch. Derek's gaze caught her, and pulled her back. "I didn't just come back for the baby. I came back for you, too. If you remember, you're the one who left me for Mark." He pulled that card. Meredith nearly snorted. "Because I didn't know what love is, and you told me, and I'm still not sure what it is. But if you create a life with someone, that's kind of a sign, isn't it?"

Derek had this way with words, even if he had no idea what he was saying, he could make something oddly beautiful out of it. Meredith stared at him for a moment, considering his words. But then the baby kicked, and she yanked her arm from his grasp to massage her stomach. Derek looked startled, and he stood, too. "Should I do something? Call Addi- your doctor?"

Meredith eyed him suspiciously. He'd really never done this before. "Um, no. She just kicked." Her eyes met his and she sighed heavily, watching as his gaze drifted to her stomach. "Here," she took Derek's hand and placed it under hers, and he nearly jumped when he felt the baby kicked.

"The baby kicked," he stated blankly, staring at her.

"Yeah..." They slipped into silence and she gravitated toward the door. "I'm just gonna go. I'm...really tired and have a lot on my mind." Meredith paused, downing her coffee before slipped out the door and into the pouring rain. He was right behind her with an umbrella.

"I, uh, here." He handed it to her somewhat reluctantly, and Meredith knew he'd been planning on simply walking her to her car. But given the situation, even McDreamy knew better. She opened the umbrella and got into her car, waiting for him to go back inside the trailer before resting her head on the steering wheel and closing her eyes. She could've fallen asleep right then and there.

Instead, she watched his bedroom light flick on, and it didn't even occur to her to turn the key in the ignition until that light flicked off fifteen minutes later.

GA

By the time she managed to jam the house key into the lock and stumble inside, it must have been very late. But, knowing Izzie, she was still awake. George was working the late shift, and the blonde intern had this weird thing about not sleeping when she was alone in the house. But Meredith secretly thought Izzie simply liked waiting up for her, which tonight didn't bother her at all. Tonight, it would save her the time of wobbling up the stairs to kill Isobel Stevens.

Dumping her jacket onto the ground with her keys, Meredith yelled into the seemingly quiet house. "Izzie, I'm going to kill you!" There was a pause, the sound of the television being turned up, and then a muffled reply.

"What'd I do now?" The den. Meredith shuffled forward and planted herself in the doorway, trying her best to look bitter and pissed off. And while pregnant, it was very easy to look bitter and pissed off.

"You called Derek," Meredith stated simply. Izzie nodded, only vaguely aware of the conversation that was taking place. Her eyes were glued on the television, where a couple of guys in different colored scrubs were running around a hospital. Meredith moved in front of the TV, knowing it was the only way she'd be able to get Izzie's attention.

"Hey," her friend muttered, annoyed. "I was watching that."

"And I was having a peaceful life, until you went and called Shepherd." There was a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'McDreamy'. Meredith glowered at Izzie. "What was that?"

Izzie pushed to a sitting position on the couch, daring to meet Meredith's gaze. That was potentially dangerous, considering pregnant women were able to charge at any given moment. "I said I called McDreamy. You said it yourself, Meredith, and you've been wandering around the hospital moping since you found out he was the father. And you never even told him." Izzie paused, shrugging before attempting to watch TV from around Meredith. "I just figured he should know he's going to be a father."

Meredith stared blankly at her friend. What the hell was going on? Izzie seemed mad. Why did she have any right to be mad? Meredith was the one who was supposed to be pissed off here! "What gave you the right to call him?"

Izzie shrugged lightly. "You gave up your right to that when you decided not to tell him." Meredith crossed her arms over her chest and glared down at Izzie, annoyed that she was still trying to watch TV instead of listening to her.

"Look, I'm pregnant, and an intern, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Don't tell me what to do, Izzie, when you have no idea what I'm going through." Meredith shook her head forcefully. "None of you do. You wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't understand?" Izzie echoed with a pitiful laugh. "_I_ wouldn't understand? We don't know everything about each other, Meredith. You would be surprised what I might understand." She rolled her eyes lightly, which only fueled Meredith's fire.

"Yeah? Well, unless you've had a kid, I doubt you could possibly understand." And that, Meredith thought, was how you won an argument. But Izzie wasn't finished yet, even though Meredith had no idea how she could possibly come back and win this fight. Izzie stood, using her height as an intimidation factor, but as Meredith knew this all too well she simply took a step back and crossed her arms. "I'm waiting. Amaze me."

Izzie didn't speak at first, though she fished something out of her wallet. Silently, she handed the picture over to Meredith, who stared at it blankly. "Who's this?"

Izzie heaved a sigh. "My daughter." Meredith gaped at her. "She's six there, but she's eleven now. I was young and stupid, and had sex when I was sixteen. I got pregnant, and the guy left me. So I had to support myself." Izzie's voice was rising with each sentence, and Meredith found herself staring at the floor. "I lived in a trailer park. I wanted better for my daughter. So I put her up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. So don't. Tell me what I don't understand. Because I understand a hell of a lot more then you think I do." In a wave of anger, Izzie flopped back on the couch and threw the remote across the room.

Meredith continued staring at the picture. "She has your eyes," she barely whispered. Izzie gave a small smile.

"Yeah."

"What's her name?" Meredith handed the picture over and flopped down on the couch beside her.

Izzie inhaled deeply. "Hannah. But I named her Sarah, before..." They fell silent, but not that uncomfortable silence of old friends meeting after a long time. This was a comfortable silence. Meredith put an arm around Izzie's shoulders and focused on the TV.

There was a long silence and then, "Izzie, are you watching Scrubs?"


End file.
